Looks at clock.. Looks at bed... wishes that there would be someone waiting peacefully in it already... continues to type anyway.

Since I was a little girl, i've dreamed of living my life with someone. I used to lie awake in bed trying (with one of those pure and admirable faiths that only small children possess) to imagine that I could see what he was doing that very moment. Maybe... just maybe... he was thinking of me too. Maybe he was trying to picture the girl he would spend the rest of his life with, or more likely, he was imagining Britney Spears in that little Catholic schoolgirl skirt while he gunned down the invading aliens from the planet Nemrod... Smiles.. Silly girls, little boys have the right idea...

Now that i'm older and more tired, now that faith is more complex, and my daydreams aren't so innocent, and the experiences i've had have shaped me into a more logical, fact-sucking (I like this word), self-pitying, closed-minded, self-righteous, BORING, and "mature" semi-adult, I look back at my niaveity and am jealous. I still dream of companionship, but it's so much more confusing.

I want to marry my best friend. The person who, at the end of the day, I can come to and we can laugh and talk about everything or nothing important. The one who, if my heart doubts some aspect of our relationship, my head immediately corrects it, and if those two fail, my soul wiill step in and remind me that it isn't quite complete without his. Are these romanticized ideas? Maybe, but they aren't far from the truth. Without these things, what is left of love?

There is something wonderful about relationships that I have seen where both people find their happiness first from God, and then share it with one another. It's like these people are never draining eachother dry, but instead, they are both full of love and because of that, they can always share it. They love eachother so strongly because they know that it is hard to find love the way theirs is. Neither is giving too much away to people/the other person, therefore how can it run dry? Isn't that a challenge. I envy those who see this everyday and take it for granted, because I want it so badly, and it is so hard for me to understand.

I want to be my husband's last comforting thought at the end of the long day, and at the same time, I want him to be mine. I anticipate the days where we go to sleep upset with eachother, and the possibly huge fights we will have as a result of 2 strong minds clashing. The iron sharpens the iron, but the swords will occasionally be drawn in a battle of the egos. But even this I am hopeful for because our mutual respect will force us into learning ways to understand eachother over time.

I guess I look at it this way: I will never have the innocence and naiveity I once had about love again, but will never give up my dreams. I know that through struggles, and through faith, and through sheer determination from both me and my future husband, we will end up with something more beautiful and more powerful then we could possibly imagine. And that's the truth.

I could probably lecture about this for hours, but it's already 2:21am, and I was up late last night studying for an exam. *yawns* Well... i'll talk to you guys soon.

Much Love and God Bless!!!