She looked slowly around the room. It's familiarity was comforting to her; the worn blue sofa with it's elaborate cushions, the delicate black cat curled into a ball on the back of a chair, the worn paperbacks scattered thoughtlessly around the room. They all seemed to fit perfectly into place. She closed her eyes and slid further back into the blue leather armchair. The clock began chiming... once.... twice.... two o'clock... Her eyes opened a little. Why couldn't she sleep? The cat's eyes blinked open. It yawned, stretched, and in an instant was sound asleep again. Catherine frowned and again tried to force the idea of sleep on her troubled mind. "Relax, relax..", she repeated. And for a moment, she felt a wave of relaxation engulf her.

They were standing in the middle of a large shopping mall, possibly the largest she had ever seen. Catherine glanced at her mother. "What exactly are we shopping for again?" Elinor was not usually this active, and Catherine could tell that her mother was in a hurry to get this over with. She threw her daughter a frustrated look. "Come on dear, we haven't much time!", she said taking her by the hand and pulling her in the direction of a large department store. They entered the store and walked briskly towards the women's lingerie. In the middle of the isle, in front of the nightwear stood Catherine's 3 best friends. Each was grinning from ear to ear, and holding items of clothing. Elinor released her daughter with a smile. "Now choose wisely and quickly. Unfortunately we don't have a lot of time... But I suppose that won't matter so much... Does he like red or black?" She was looking at 2 rather small garments hanging side by side. One was black lace, and the other red. "I can't believe we're actually doing this!", said Lacy. "I mean, we've all laughed about it since we were kids, but I mean... actually doing it?", she paused, and the other two smiled knowingly. "Oh this one's hot." said Sara holding up an ample pink bra and panty set, "Too bad she's too small for it". They laughed. Catherine was beyond confused. What the heck were they shopping for lingerie for her for?... And why would her friends want to help her in the first place... and her mom?? What was happening??? She'd had enough, "Alright, what is going on guys? Is this some sort of joke??" They laughed. "Are you having cold feet already?", Julie joked. "You're just fine. Now we've been having this conversation for years!" More laughter. Something finally clicked. "What are you talking about "Cold feet"? I'm not even engaged! I'm 18 years old you guys, do you really think I'd be getting married at age 18??" There was a long silence. The 4 friends looked from one to the other, not knowing what to say. Suddenly Elinor was back with garments to be tried on. "Mom what the heck is going on?" Catherine begged, "Why are we here?" "What do you mean why are we here?" Elinor said, still flustered, "You wanted something nice to take on your honeymoon didn't you?" She was still flipping through hangers at a rapid rate, and it took her a minute to notice the awkward silence, "Didn't you?" She repeated, turning around. Catherine was confused and angered to the point of tears. "What are you…Why?" She couldn't form the words in her mouth. "And just who am I marrying?" she sputtered. The look of annoyance on her mother's face had changed. She held Catherine close to her, and spoke very gently. "Ssh ssh" she cooed, "It's ok dear, just settle down… there….". She smiled and looked her daughter in the eye. "You're marrying Bobby, dear. The love of your life… surely you remember Bobby?" Catherine stopped crying. Bobby? But how could she be marrying Bobby? They'd only been dating a year, and she wasn't even sure it was possible to work out their petty problems, let alone the big ones that come with marriage. How? She loved Bobby, yes. She loved him deeply, and purely, enough to marry him one day. But hadn't she just been discussing with him why they couldn't get married at this point in their relationship?
"I set the date over a month ago, dear." Eleanor's voice was soft and reassuring. "I knew things would be easier this way, remember? Remember how excited you both were? Bobby is so happy, and so are you! Or at least I thought you were darling. What's wrong? Don't tell me you're having second thoughts? ….. Oh no, you are aren't you." Elinor saw the tears forming in her daughter's eyes. Catherine pressed her hands to her face, wiping the tears away in one smooth gesture. "Mom…" She sobbed, "Why?" The word was the only one that formed in her mouth. There were so many others, but they all jumbled together in her mind. "Why?" she thought, "How did this happen so fast?… And without warning?" Her mother's words rung in her head; "I knew things would be easier this way, remember?" What happened to waiting until things could be worked out? Why had her mother arranged the wedding? Didn't she care about her future? Hadn't she been the one to teach her about love and respect and trust and honor in relationships? Where were those here in an "easy" wedding?

"Catherine!" She groaned, "Catherine, wake up!" She opened her eyes and looked into her mother's face. "You were crying in your sleep honey, are you ok?" Catherine was relieved, and gave her mother a big hug. "Yeah mom, I'm ok." She said. "Alright dear, I'm glad. I'm going to sleep now, if you have another nightmare you can come sleep with me." She smiled, "Thanks mom". Catherine watched her mother walk out of the room. "It was a dream." she sighed, "Just a dream." But what did this mean? Something had been bothering her for some time now, but it had never been clear what exactly it was. This dream was a message of some sort, but it was gonna take some time to figure it out. Maybe that was a good thing. Her head was swarming with new doubts and fears now, but her body and spirit were exhausted. "Tomorrow is a new day." she thought to herself as she lay down in bed. Although the words were optimistic, her face remained solemn. She didn't want to admit it, but her usually unwavering positive outlook was slowly wearing down. She wasn't sure how much more it would take to break her, but she was already testing old boundaries.
"Please God, I know you are working in ways that I don't understand, and I do trust you in everything, but please help me find the support and reassurance that I need as you guide me through this difficult time. Please help me find courage, hope, and integrity. Please help the people that I love in the same way, and please continue to guide us all down the right path." Tears were streaming down her face. "Even if the right path is not the path that we would choose….. Oh Lord, please, please don't let me loose faith in your perfect plan for me…. Thank you for carrying me this far. I swear to continue surrendering myself to your will daily, even in times like this when I'm tempted to turn away…. Thank you for caring… In Jesus' name, amen."