I'm on a Maroon 5 kick for some reason... What is it about their songs that is so sexy??
It's really frickin hard to distract yourself when your boyfriend is in India. haha. I am such a man sometimes.... Luckily i'm a good kid. =D
Today I went to a lecture done by the author of pope John Paul II's biography. It was a really good talk. And right now I just want to rock out to Maroon 5 and make this a really short post. Not that I don't love you all, because I do. I'll write more later when there is more to write. And tonight, Memoirs of a Geisha (again) with friends here! Sorry for this ADD post.
I miss you Will.
Bye all!
January 06, 2006
January 05, 2006
Moo?
Hello all,
Happy holidays to all and late birthday to me! Yes, I am another year older (wiser is debatable). Its strange to imagine that my teenage years have run out and now adulthood stands staring me in the face. At the moment I still feel like a deer caught in the headlights. Lately i've found myself questioning the things I do more seriously, and rethinking things like social constructs and obligations. College, for example, is a social institution. I love college and the learning that goes on here. I also understand that the structure of colleges and universities functions to ensure stability and proficiency in learning skills and knowledge for future careers. However, many people would agree that skills and career preparation shouldn't be the only purpose of college. Sometimes I wish I could just audit classes for my entire life. I'd use what I learned as fuel for everything else I want to do. My mom tells me that this is because i'm "an artist". Not that I consider myself exceptional at the things I aspire to. Perhaps i'm just lazy. I know people who love to keep a schedule and channel a lot of their energy into organizing time. This brings them satisfaction and fulfillment because they get a lot accomplished. Though I am perfectly capable of being organized, it brings me little satisfaction because it hinders me from being creative. In the past I haven't let this bother me too much, but lately it's caused me to question everything i'm doing in life.
I want to go to college. I love learning and I love being stretched intelectually. I also love writing music. Both of these things I would like to pursue as far as I can because I want to know what capacity I have for them. Leaving school here to pursue music is out of the question because I am afraid... of.... myself I suppose. What if I turned out to be wrong and I failed, or I didn't like the success I found? Adversely, what if I kept going in school and eventually became a councilor (as I really want to). It may be too late to pursue anything in music at that point. I don't think i've ever been truly unhappy when considering my options before, but right now i'm very confused. I need to find a way to balance these things because I can't give up either one. Unfortunately while i'm here in school I have very little access to a piano and very limited time to play anyway. There is no privacy in which to play. When i'm home I have more time but it is often taken up by friends and family (which is a great blessing otherwise). I had hoped to get more accomplished over break but our house was occupied for most of the day by workmen (and I understand this too, i'm not mad about it), and the evenings were generally scheduled with friends or family (Break was wonderful by the way!). So it's not that i'm unhappy with life, i'm just confused about what I want and how to get it. But anyways....
*sigh* I'm going to stop whining now. The religion class i'm taking is a lot of fun. It strays far from orthodox conversation (or at least from conservative Christian conversations) about sex and birth. The ideas aren't extremely un-orthodox, but the information we cover is fantastic. Actually, come to think of it, we haven't really discussed any "ideas" about sex and birth, just how the ancients percieved the acts. Our prof encourages us to speak our minds and makes remarks on some unorthodox subjects that you wouldn't normally expect a religion prof to make blatantly. I came late to the first session because my flight out of Chicago the night before was cancelled and I was forced to spend the night there and fly out in the morning(rolls eyes). So anyways, I walked in late to my class right as the professor was telling us how the course discussions would go. My timing was really akward. "For purposes of neutrality and valuable conversation we are going to assume that everyone and no one in this class has had sex with an animal." At that I knew I was in the right place... wait, that sounded terrible... ur.. nevermind. Its good to be a religion major. It was so hard to stop myself from making beastiality jokes for the rest of the day.... hehehe.
Well on that note.. i'm gonna go...
Take care and God Bless!
Happy holidays to all and late birthday to me! Yes, I am another year older (wiser is debatable). Its strange to imagine that my teenage years have run out and now adulthood stands staring me in the face. At the moment I still feel like a deer caught in the headlights. Lately i've found myself questioning the things I do more seriously, and rethinking things like social constructs and obligations. College, for example, is a social institution. I love college and the learning that goes on here. I also understand that the structure of colleges and universities functions to ensure stability and proficiency in learning skills and knowledge for future careers. However, many people would agree that skills and career preparation shouldn't be the only purpose of college. Sometimes I wish I could just audit classes for my entire life. I'd use what I learned as fuel for everything else I want to do. My mom tells me that this is because i'm "an artist". Not that I consider myself exceptional at the things I aspire to. Perhaps i'm just lazy. I know people who love to keep a schedule and channel a lot of their energy into organizing time. This brings them satisfaction and fulfillment because they get a lot accomplished. Though I am perfectly capable of being organized, it brings me little satisfaction because it hinders me from being creative. In the past I haven't let this bother me too much, but lately it's caused me to question everything i'm doing in life.
I want to go to college. I love learning and I love being stretched intelectually. I also love writing music. Both of these things I would like to pursue as far as I can because I want to know what capacity I have for them. Leaving school here to pursue music is out of the question because I am afraid... of.... myself I suppose. What if I turned out to be wrong and I failed, or I didn't like the success I found? Adversely, what if I kept going in school and eventually became a councilor (as I really want to). It may be too late to pursue anything in music at that point. I don't think i've ever been truly unhappy when considering my options before, but right now i'm very confused. I need to find a way to balance these things because I can't give up either one. Unfortunately while i'm here in school I have very little access to a piano and very limited time to play anyway. There is no privacy in which to play. When i'm home I have more time but it is often taken up by friends and family (which is a great blessing otherwise). I had hoped to get more accomplished over break but our house was occupied for most of the day by workmen (and I understand this too, i'm not mad about it), and the evenings were generally scheduled with friends or family (Break was wonderful by the way!). So it's not that i'm unhappy with life, i'm just confused about what I want and how to get it. But anyways....
*sigh* I'm going to stop whining now. The religion class i'm taking is a lot of fun. It strays far from orthodox conversation (or at least from conservative Christian conversations) about sex and birth. The ideas aren't extremely un-orthodox, but the information we cover is fantastic. Actually, come to think of it, we haven't really discussed any "ideas" about sex and birth, just how the ancients percieved the acts. Our prof encourages us to speak our minds and makes remarks on some unorthodox subjects that you wouldn't normally expect a religion prof to make blatantly. I came late to the first session because my flight out of Chicago the night before was cancelled and I was forced to spend the night there and fly out in the morning(rolls eyes). So anyways, I walked in late to my class right as the professor was telling us how the course discussions would go. My timing was really akward. "For purposes of neutrality and valuable conversation we are going to assume that everyone and no one in this class has had sex with an animal." At that I knew I was in the right place... wait, that sounded terrible... ur.. nevermind. Its good to be a religion major. It was so hard to stop myself from making beastiality jokes for the rest of the day.... hehehe.
Well on that note.. i'm gonna go...
Take care and God Bless!
December 12, 2005
Gonna be sick...
Honestly, I think i'm going to be sick.
For a good while now i've been uploading pictures onto a webpage so that my family & friends can have a look into my life here in college. Its worked out great for a long time, and I still put pictures up there for this blog and for others. Lately though, there has been this outpouring of porn onto this site. I'm sure its always been there and i'm just now noticing it (i'm really not that naive). The thing that makes me sick is that these people keep sending me invitations to become friends with them, and when I look at their profile all this ameatur porn comes up. And it keeps getting worse. Today there was a page with an obese ugly woman on it in very little clothing (not porn but just... eew...). She was posing in these photos, and men would leave comments about the pictures... Really gross comments. If you went and looked at these men's profiles, most of them were married (and their wives weren't by any means ugly) with pictures of their families on their webpages. Now i'm not floored by all this. A long time ago I learned just exactly how big and popular porn is. The numbers are something like 1 in 3 or 4 are addicted (men that is) have a serious problem with it. So generally, though its really painful to watch, i'm sympathetic because I see the trend. That web page though... *shivers*.. I just don't get. The pictures made me sick already, but realizing that the guys who were leaving those comments were my friends and mentors.... Just makes me really hurt and angry. I want to tell every one of them that they're fake and I never should have looked up to them... Of course I'd never manage to say all that. I'd end up sobbing... This is a little strange for me, I know, I don't usually get this way.
People have told me that this stuff isn't personal. It's not about me. I don't buy that at all. It is about me. Its telling me that i'm not good enough. Its not good enough just to be the person I am and hold a guy's attention. They take something meant to be beautiful and selfless and make it into a self-absorbed addiction. More more more more. What the hell? It just makes me so frustrated. Maybe it's because its not something I can help. Its not about me. Maybe thats it. It somehow implies that I have failed; that love fails. These people (both the viewers and the publishers) go against what I stand for, and destroy the things I value and work so hard to uphold. They destroy people and they destroy relationships.
I really haven't been angry in a long time, but today i'm angry about this.
I'm sorry if this is something you struggle with. I'm not here to make you feel worse about something you already regret, and I support you in your efforts. If you are reading this and don't understand what i'm saying or why i'm upset, I'm sorry for your confusion. But if you can sit there and say to yourself that porn is in no way related to love then i'm going to disagree with you. Is sex related to love? yes. Its not casual and impersonal, its about loving another person. If you're telling someone you love them and then getting ahold of porn for your own purposes, then you'd better re-examine your first statement.
*sigh* alright. Well i'm going to stop raving for now. talk to you soon!
Laura
For a good while now i've been uploading pictures onto a webpage so that my family & friends can have a look into my life here in college. Its worked out great for a long time, and I still put pictures up there for this blog and for others. Lately though, there has been this outpouring of porn onto this site. I'm sure its always been there and i'm just now noticing it (i'm really not that naive). The thing that makes me sick is that these people keep sending me invitations to become friends with them, and when I look at their profile all this ameatur porn comes up. And it keeps getting worse. Today there was a page with an obese ugly woman on it in very little clothing (not porn but just... eew...). She was posing in these photos, and men would leave comments about the pictures... Really gross comments. If you went and looked at these men's profiles, most of them were married (and their wives weren't by any means ugly) with pictures of their families on their webpages. Now i'm not floored by all this. A long time ago I learned just exactly how big and popular porn is. The numbers are something like 1 in 3 or 4 are addicted (men that is) have a serious problem with it. So generally, though its really painful to watch, i'm sympathetic because I see the trend. That web page though... *shivers*.. I just don't get. The pictures made me sick already, but realizing that the guys who were leaving those comments were my friends and mentors.... Just makes me really hurt and angry. I want to tell every one of them that they're fake and I never should have looked up to them... Of course I'd never manage to say all that. I'd end up sobbing... This is a little strange for me, I know, I don't usually get this way.
People have told me that this stuff isn't personal. It's not about me. I don't buy that at all. It is about me. Its telling me that i'm not good enough. Its not good enough just to be the person I am and hold a guy's attention. They take something meant to be beautiful and selfless and make it into a self-absorbed addiction. More more more more. What the hell? It just makes me so frustrated. Maybe it's because its not something I can help. Its not about me. Maybe thats it. It somehow implies that I have failed; that love fails. These people (both the viewers and the publishers) go against what I stand for, and destroy the things I value and work so hard to uphold. They destroy people and they destroy relationships.
I really haven't been angry in a long time, but today i'm angry about this.
I'm sorry if this is something you struggle with. I'm not here to make you feel worse about something you already regret, and I support you in your efforts. If you are reading this and don't understand what i'm saying or why i'm upset, I'm sorry for your confusion. But if you can sit there and say to yourself that porn is in no way related to love then i'm going to disagree with you. Is sex related to love? yes. Its not casual and impersonal, its about loving another person. If you're telling someone you love them and then getting ahold of porn for your own purposes, then you'd better re-examine your first statement.
*sigh* alright. Well i'm going to stop raving for now. talk to you soon!
Laura
December 11, 2005
December 09, 2005
LAST DAY OF CLASSES!!!
Well today has been a fantabulous day! Its the LAST DAY OF CLASSES!!!!
I can't talk long, my roommate and I are getting ready to go publically wrestle... Just smile and nod, i'll explain if you ask.
I just wanted to leave you with that thought and an amusing conversation I had today with Will... hehehe..
Later!
Will: I don't eat tofu in anything
Me: hehe nor do I
Will:: I don't like the texture and it simply soaks up whatever flavor everything else has. It's the mooch of the food world and I won't stand for it
Me: yeah... its in the same category as spam in my book.
Will:: I think you should write a book
Me: haha yeah, that could be fun
Will: giving foods different personalities and categories to explain their characteristics
Will: It could bring the pound cake back into style
Will: :-)
Me: lol
Me: psh! pound cake never went out of style
Will: Really? I was under the impression that it was getting hard to convince people to throw in a pound of lard into whatever they are cooking.
Me: its true
Me: even I hesitate at the thought of lard/shortening
Me: though i'll have none of this margerine crap
Will: lol. You're great
Me: haha well thanks!
Me: butter should not come in spray bottles eithe. That is revolting
Will: Wow—you're a traditionalist
Will: A slab of butter isn't?
Me: no butter is good
Me: just no spray on butter (its not butter or margerine.. I don't know what it is. probably just some labratory created lipid) like "olesta" and that fake cheese you put on nachos
Me: alright enough food ranting on my part
Will: laboratory created lipid
Will: Might have to be my phrase of the day
Me: lol
Will: Kind of hard to sneak into conversation, though
Me: not really
Me: "you're a labratory created lipid" is always good
Will: LOL
Me: or "your mom... or your face.." etc...
Will: lol
Will: I miss you
Me: I miss you too
Me: :-D
Me: mmm I should go to astronomy
Me: i'm late
Will: Ok
Me: but this has been a rewarding conversation. lol
Will: I've learned a lot
Will: bye and good luck
I can't talk long, my roommate and I are getting ready to go publically wrestle... Just smile and nod, i'll explain if you ask.
I just wanted to leave you with that thought and an amusing conversation I had today with Will... hehehe..
Later!
Will: I don't eat tofu in anything
Me: hehe nor do I
Will:: I don't like the texture and it simply soaks up whatever flavor everything else has. It's the mooch of the food world and I won't stand for it
Me: yeah... its in the same category as spam in my book.
Will:: I think you should write a book
Me: haha yeah, that could be fun
Will: giving foods different personalities and categories to explain their characteristics
Will: It could bring the pound cake back into style
Will: :-)
Me: lol
Me: psh! pound cake never went out of style
Will: Really? I was under the impression that it was getting hard to convince people to throw in a pound of lard into whatever they are cooking.
Me: its true
Me: even I hesitate at the thought of lard/shortening
Me: though i'll have none of this margerine crap
Will: lol. You're great
Me: haha well thanks!
Me: butter should not come in spray bottles eithe. That is revolting
Will: Wow—you're a traditionalist
Will: A slab of butter isn't?
Me: no butter is good
Me: just no spray on butter (its not butter or margerine.. I don't know what it is. probably just some labratory created lipid) like "olesta" and that fake cheese you put on nachos
Me: alright enough food ranting on my part
Will: laboratory created lipid
Will: Might have to be my phrase of the day
Me: lol
Will: Kind of hard to sneak into conversation, though
Me: not really
Me: "you're a labratory created lipid" is always good
Will: LOL
Me: or "your mom... or your face.." etc...
Will: lol
Will: I miss you
Me: I miss you too
Me: :-D
Me: mmm I should go to astronomy
Me: i'm late
Will: Ok
Me: but this has been a rewarding conversation. lol
Will: I've learned a lot
Will: bye and good luck
December 02, 2005
2 weeks 'till sanity...
Hey everyone,
Sorry its been so long. Things around here have been slightly more than crazy. The other day I tasted a bit of insanity in the library. After about 6 hours (no break) of isolation there, everything I was writing started to seem extremely funny... Thank God none of you witnessed it or you might have tried to commit me. Try as you might have, you would have had to pry my little white computer from my lifeless little hands. Luckily the state was fleeting and a short trip to the cafe brought me back to reality. I've spent the last few days locked away in the library meticulously writing an exegetical paper for religion (a style that is completely new to me, making it take longer). I'm under a lot of pressure to do well on this paper because its worth 30% of my grade and my only test grade so far was less than ideal...
Things have taken a turn for the better in the past few days, however. I got back one of my religion papers (worth 19% of my grade) and to my surprise I received an "A" on it!! Praise God for that grade. I was beginning to think that the study of His word was impossibly hard. I occasionally wonder what the theological connotations of getting a bad grade in religion are... hehe.. Only kidding. ;-) Anyways, I feel much better with the affirmation that I am capable of good theology writing... Now I just have to apply it to the mother paper which is due Monday...I think I now know my breaking point, so I've been trying to work around that knowledge. There is a dorm dance tonight that I had planned on skipping to work on the paper. However I think going would be a good break for my mind.. Plus I love dancing. And, if I don't go I'll be hearing for weeks how much fun everyone had... Obviously the odds are stacked in favor of going. hehehe.
The Lessons and Carols concert is this weekend! It's going to be completely amazing. I love our choir so much! I'm so thankful to finally be in a choir that is genuinely good. Not to sound snooty 'cause I've been in a lot of good choirs in the past. The problem was that they were in high school and only lasted for a weekend or so. I think I could live my life training in a good choir for hours everyday. That's what I really loved about high school honor choirs; working all day long to perfect the sound of a piece. Nothing in the world compares to that moment when something clicks and everyone is unified in one sound.
Well for now I must go drink my coffee, write more of my paper, and prepare for the dance. I miss you all a lot, but it won't be too long before I get to see you!
Will- I love you and I am more grateful for you everyday. We'll be home soon!
Wittwer- I can't wait to see you again!! I love you and I miss you!
Mom & Dad- I love you both and I'm coming home soon =D.
Ben- I hope are going well! Tell your family I say "hi" and I hope to see you all soon.
I'm not quite sure who else reads this regularly.... But
To all my friends- You are all a wonderful blessing in my life and I couldn't imagine life without you. Expect an exceptionally large and prolonged hug when I see you again. Don't even try to resist, I will get what I want! hehehe.
Happy Finals Week to all and remember: don't hurt yourselves, you have but one brain to kill.
Signed,
a slightly stressed, but ever-optimistic
Laura
Sorry its been so long. Things around here have been slightly more than crazy. The other day I tasted a bit of insanity in the library. After about 6 hours (no break) of isolation there, everything I was writing started to seem extremely funny... Thank God none of you witnessed it or you might have tried to commit me. Try as you might have, you would have had to pry my little white computer from my lifeless little hands. Luckily the state was fleeting and a short trip to the cafe brought me back to reality. I've spent the last few days locked away in the library meticulously writing an exegetical paper for religion (a style that is completely new to me, making it take longer). I'm under a lot of pressure to do well on this paper because its worth 30% of my grade and my only test grade so far was less than ideal...
Things have taken a turn for the better in the past few days, however. I got back one of my religion papers (worth 19% of my grade) and to my surprise I received an "A" on it!! Praise God for that grade. I was beginning to think that the study of His word was impossibly hard. I occasionally wonder what the theological connotations of getting a bad grade in religion are... hehe.. Only kidding. ;-) Anyways, I feel much better with the affirmation that I am capable of good theology writing... Now I just have to apply it to the mother paper which is due Monday...I think I now know my breaking point, so I've been trying to work around that knowledge. There is a dorm dance tonight that I had planned on skipping to work on the paper. However I think going would be a good break for my mind.. Plus I love dancing. And, if I don't go I'll be hearing for weeks how much fun everyone had... Obviously the odds are stacked in favor of going. hehehe.
The Lessons and Carols concert is this weekend! It's going to be completely amazing. I love our choir so much! I'm so thankful to finally be in a choir that is genuinely good. Not to sound snooty 'cause I've been in a lot of good choirs in the past. The problem was that they were in high school and only lasted for a weekend or so. I think I could live my life training in a good choir for hours everyday. That's what I really loved about high school honor choirs; working all day long to perfect the sound of a piece. Nothing in the world compares to that moment when something clicks and everyone is unified in one sound.
Well for now I must go drink my coffee, write more of my paper, and prepare for the dance. I miss you all a lot, but it won't be too long before I get to see you!
Will- I love you and I am more grateful for you everyday. We'll be home soon!
Wittwer- I can't wait to see you again!! I love you and I miss you!
Mom & Dad- I love you both and I'm coming home soon =D.
Ben- I hope are going well! Tell your family I say "hi" and I hope to see you all soon.
I'm not quite sure who else reads this regularly.... But
To all my friends- You are all a wonderful blessing in my life and I couldn't imagine life without you. Expect an exceptionally large and prolonged hug when I see you again. Don't even try to resist, I will get what I want! hehehe.
Happy Finals Week to all and remember: don't hurt yourselves, you have but one brain to kill.
Signed,
a slightly stressed, but ever-optimistic
Laura
November 12, 2005
misc. stuff
Let's forget about the tongue-tied lightning
Let's undress just like cross-eyed strangers
This is not a joke, so please stop smiling
What was I thinking when I said it didn't hurt?
I want to glide through those brown eyes dreaming
Take it from the inside, baby hold on tight
You were so right when you said that I've been drinking
What was I thinking when I said good night?
I want to hold you in the Bible-black predawn
You're quite a quiet domino, bury me now
Take off your Band-Aid because I don't believe in touchdowns
What was I thinking when I said hello?
you would look very calm and very pretty. people
may see you as some one they can use because of
your peacefulness. however you see straight to
the truth, and know when people are lying to
you. you are reletively quiet, but you see and
hear everything. you like to read and learn...
and thats a good thing. it keeps you ahead of
the rabble that follow behind
So what would you look like as an anime character, oh ive only got girls here... but if people like it then i could make a guy one...
brought to you by Quizilla
Let's undress just like cross-eyed strangers
This is not a joke, so please stop smiling
What was I thinking when I said it didn't hurt?
I want to glide through those brown eyes dreaming
Take it from the inside, baby hold on tight
You were so right when you said that I've been drinking
What was I thinking when I said good night?
I want to hold you in the Bible-black predawn
You're quite a quiet domino, bury me now
Take off your Band-Aid because I don't believe in touchdowns
What was I thinking when I said hello?
you would look very calm and very pretty. people
may see you as some one they can use because of
your peacefulness. however you see straight to
the truth, and know when people are lying to
you. you are reletively quiet, but you see and
hear everything. you like to read and learn...
and thats a good thing. it keeps you ahead of
the rabble that follow behind
So what would you look like as an anime character, oh ive only got girls here... but if people like it then i could make a guy one...
brought to you by Quizilla
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