"Love is more than just a game", she thought to herself as she drove. "It's more than having someone to have fun with...It's all encompassing. Everything you do will in some way involve it." She sighed and pushed a stray hair out of her face. "Some of them just don't get it." She didn't know what made her more angry, knowing that the world didn't understand love, took it for granted, abused it, mistook it for lust, gave up on it, and rejected it, or the fact that she herself was guilty of every one of those things...
She opened her bible to 1st Corinthians 13: 4-7. "Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek to better itself, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth: bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." It was in her nature to jump at certain parts. "ah ha!" her mind would tell her, "That's not something they do!" But something stopped her. "What did you just read?" It said. "You are just as wrong as they are." It was hard to accept the truth. In earlier years she wouldn't have been open enough to let it cross her mind. "Stubborn" she read from the devotional her mother was reading, "the pride that causes us to shun correction, and renders us unable to stop defending ourselves." Oh how true this was. Stubborn pride always led to disaster. This is because of how hard it is to let go of, and how painful it is to injure. She was very stubborn. Maybe not quite to the extent of others she knew, but still, it was there. The word stubborn has gained new meaning in our society. It is sometimes confused with confidence, assertiveness, and high self-esteem. These things are good, but too much of a good thing often turns bad and can turn into stubbornness and pride. Stubbornness and love are like oil and water; they do not mix.
How did this come up you may ask? Well it started when I heard the story one of my friends told me today about her relationship with her boyfriend, but I soon realized that I myself have a stubborn side, and I know many other people who do as well...
Kyla and I had a handstand competition today! I'm not sure who won because people kept trying to WALK down our hallway..ppsh! Oh well... Dorm fever is sure to set in next week so we should have fun while we can. hmmm... my stomach feels kinda funny... Maybe it was the shrimp at dinner... Well I know i'm not pregnant 'cause i'm a virgin... mmmmmm. I miss boys... hehe. ;-)
Got my Christmas shopping almost done today. I even got it gift wrapped for free! Now the problem will be getting the presents home still wrapped. *shakes fist at airport security*. Well, unfortunately I have a lot of studying to do tonight. *sigh* I have a listening quiz in music tomorrow and finals all next week, so ta ta for now! It's just me, the computer, Duke Ellington, and Louie Armstrong for the rest of the night. Yay jazz!
OH NO!!.... I forgot to tape the OC for Rachael... I'm dead. *looks scared*
I love y'all
Peace.
P.S. Check out the **GAMES** button! I just added that page. Have fun!
December 09, 2004
December 08, 2004
Christy
Here are some pictures i've taken during my first semester here! Click on the picture to see the rest of them, or just go to the link on the side of the page labled "photo album"!
I have been asked to put up a list of things I want for Christmas/my birthday. So here it is for all of you who asked:
Gift Ideas For Me
(just in case you were wondering)
1. Better speakers for my computer (I really like the JBL Creature II Speakers - White by Mac)
2. More hard drive space
3. Printed pictures for my photo album (I really want pictures of you people and I can't afford the paper & my computer won't print them!)
4. Makeup (individual things like packs of eyeshadow, eyeliner, glitter (loose powder), lipstick/lip gloss, eyeliner, interesting nail polish that isn't a dark color especially silver or metallic, etc…) I like eyeshadow and nail polish that is interesting and unique. Oh, and NO eyeshadow that is blue or purple or any kind of neon color please… shimmery is good, just not unnaturally bright colors.
5. Lotion (preferably something that smells nice and non-fruity) ex: "Nivea Renewal Night Lotion", "Bath & Bodyworks midnight jasmine or Vanilla", I like things that are not too fruity and smell more like a light perfume.
6. Blank CD's & Covers
7. Earrings (I haven't bought some simple, pretty earrings since 7th grade. I like dangely ones the best, but casual ones are nice too)
8. Clothing (Although I'd like to go with when buying clothes unless you happen to find something I'd really like) Especially sweaters and more sophisticated looking clothing
9. Money
10. A Lovesack (or money to get one eventually?)
11. Christmas Lights (net lights would be good for the ceiling. Just anything that catches your eye and is pretty. Colors are fine, you know what colors I like)
12. FM transmitter for my iPod (This would be awesome 'cause I'd never have to buy another sterio!)
13. A New computer! (Yay! But I don't expect it to happen. Hahaha.) OR an external hardrive ('cause then I won't need one quite yet)
14. Cool decorating stuff from "The Afternoon" (This is a store in the 2nd level of Westroads. It's just full of cool useless stuff that I like)
15. A Shower rack (The kind that runs on a pole from the floor to the ceiling of the shower. Really nifty and it'd be a lot more practical! They have them at linen's & things)
16. Cooking Stuff for next semester (This can include cookbooks)
17. Posters (I like putting them up in my room… Anything from Monet to movie posters are good. No more kitty cats though…=P Art is nice. )
18. Gift Certificates (for food or stores, whatever, I don’t care)
18. Things for my hair (This is similar to the earring thing. I don't have pretty barrets, big/small hair clips, headbands, bobby pins, scrunchies, thick rubberbands, other cool hair accessories, you name it. I'd really like some pretty things to put in my hair for variety. It's long, so most everything should work!)
19. Stationary and/or pretty notepaper w/ envelopes
20. Stamps! Stamps! Stamps! (they're expensive here!)
21. Pretty stuff from the World Market (I like things from that store, they're fun) or any decorating store.
22. Decorative Pillows (the kind with sequins and designs on them)
23. Journal(s) (I like the kind that are elegantly decorated on the covers… also meaning that they're more expensive)
24. Nice/Expensive soap &/or bodywash (see qualifications for lotion. Hehe. The Afternoon has some really nice stuff.)
25. A trip out to one of my favorite restaurants: (JC Mandarin, Nothing But Noodles, Ahmads, Tokyo Kitchen, Delice, Vivaci, The Macaroni Grill, etc…) This could also include places I want to try like Charlie's on the Lake, Lo Solomio, or something else you think I'd like. =D
26. Socks (it's true, I'm out. I blame the dryer for eating them)
27. HUGS!!! ('Cmon this is essential!!!)
28. Chocolate!! (I will love you forever)
29. Car decorating stuff (the car is cool, but could it be cooler?… hehe.)
30. Good 'ol fashion lovin! (yeah baby yeah! What the world needs now is love!!)
31. DVD's (We college kids occasionally have some free time and that's when these come in handy)
32. Piano Music (preferably that is intermediate to mildly advanced)
33. CD's or iTunes music cards (I always want music that I don't have. hehe)
34. Flowers! (this would make me feel warm and fuzzy inside) =P
35. Coffee mugs (we drink a lot of hot chocolate & soup)
36. A larger CD case (for the cd's that won't fit in the one I already have)
37. A Tucan…. Yes… I want an exotic bird. I shall train it to be an attack Tucan.
The End.
Gift Ideas For Me
(just in case you were wondering)
1. Better speakers for my computer (I really like the JBL Creature II Speakers - White by Mac)
2. More hard drive space
3. Printed pictures for my photo album (I really want pictures of you people and I can't afford the paper & my computer won't print them!)
4. Makeup (individual things like packs of eyeshadow, eyeliner, glitter (loose powder), lipstick/lip gloss, eyeliner, interesting nail polish that isn't a dark color especially silver or metallic, etc…) I like eyeshadow and nail polish that is interesting and unique. Oh, and NO eyeshadow that is blue or purple or any kind of neon color please… shimmery is good, just not unnaturally bright colors.
5. Lotion (preferably something that smells nice and non-fruity) ex: "Nivea Renewal Night Lotion", "Bath & Bodyworks midnight jasmine or Vanilla", I like things that are not too fruity and smell more like a light perfume.
6. Blank CD's & Covers
7. Earrings (I haven't bought some simple, pretty earrings since 7th grade. I like dangely ones the best, but casual ones are nice too)
8. Clothing (Although I'd like to go with when buying clothes unless you happen to find something I'd really like) Especially sweaters and more sophisticated looking clothing
9. Money
10. A Lovesack (or money to get one eventually?)
11. Christmas Lights (net lights would be good for the ceiling. Just anything that catches your eye and is pretty. Colors are fine, you know what colors I like)
12. FM transmitter for my iPod (This would be awesome 'cause I'd never have to buy another sterio!)
13. A New computer! (Yay! But I don't expect it to happen. Hahaha.) OR an external hardrive ('cause then I won't need one quite yet)
14. Cool decorating stuff from "The Afternoon" (This is a store in the 2nd level of Westroads. It's just full of cool useless stuff that I like)
15. A Shower rack (The kind that runs on a pole from the floor to the ceiling of the shower. Really nifty and it'd be a lot more practical! They have them at linen's & things)
16. Cooking Stuff for next semester (This can include cookbooks)
17. Posters (I like putting them up in my room… Anything from Monet to movie posters are good. No more kitty cats though…=P Art is nice. )
18. Gift Certificates (for food or stores, whatever, I don’t care)
18. Things for my hair (This is similar to the earring thing. I don't have pretty barrets, big/small hair clips, headbands, bobby pins, scrunchies, thick rubberbands, other cool hair accessories, you name it. I'd really like some pretty things to put in my hair for variety. It's long, so most everything should work!)
19. Stationary and/or pretty notepaper w/ envelopes
20. Stamps! Stamps! Stamps! (they're expensive here!)
21. Pretty stuff from the World Market (I like things from that store, they're fun) or any decorating store.
22. Decorative Pillows (the kind with sequins and designs on them)
23. Journal(s) (I like the kind that are elegantly decorated on the covers… also meaning that they're more expensive)
24. Nice/Expensive soap &/or bodywash (see qualifications for lotion. Hehe. The Afternoon has some really nice stuff.)
25. A trip out to one of my favorite restaurants: (JC Mandarin, Nothing But Noodles, Ahmads, Tokyo Kitchen, Delice, Vivaci, The Macaroni Grill, etc…) This could also include places I want to try like Charlie's on the Lake, Lo Solomio, or something else you think I'd like. =D
26. Socks (it's true, I'm out. I blame the dryer for eating them)
27. HUGS!!! ('Cmon this is essential!!!)
28. Chocolate!! (I will love you forever)
29. Car decorating stuff (the car is cool, but could it be cooler?… hehe.)
30. Good 'ol fashion lovin! (yeah baby yeah! What the world needs now is love!!)
31. DVD's (We college kids occasionally have some free time and that's when these come in handy)
32. Piano Music (preferably that is intermediate to mildly advanced)
33. CD's or iTunes music cards (I always want music that I don't have. hehe)
34. Flowers! (this would make me feel warm and fuzzy inside) =P
35. Coffee mugs (we drink a lot of hot chocolate & soup)
36. A larger CD case (for the cd's that won't fit in the one I already have)
37. A Tucan…. Yes… I want an exotic bird. I shall train it to be an attack Tucan.
The End.
December 02, 2004
teejnits: Guess what I've found ?
creativeoncommand: no idea
teejnits: A program that will make sure Windows NEVER has a problem again... ever! ?
creativeoncommand: LOL
creativeoncommand: NOT!
teejnits: LOL... TRUE
creativeoncommand: is it a pad and paper?
creativeoncommand: lol
creativeoncommand: i'm so funny
teejnits: After I customize and optimize Windows the way I want it... I install it and Windows will never screw up (it doesn't screw up anyway, people just don't always programm for Windows correctly)
teejnits: Keyword there... never
teejnits: I will never get a virus
creativeoncommand: I never get virises, and my computer hasn't had a problem in the 4 years i've had it...
For all you PC users:
MACS RULE!!!
You know those mornings when you wake up and the crotch of your pajamas is twisted all the way to the middle of your left leg, and then in the process of trying to detangle yourself you end up completely tangled in your clothing and bed sheets? Well I DO! But that is not why I brought that up. Today my suitemate used that analogy to describe the current state of her soul... To sum up: The crotch of her soul is out of alignment and she is frustrated by this... Ah yes, good old girl conversations. We also discussed those days when you feel like crying for no apparent reason. So you cry for like 20 minutes (just enough time for someone close to become worried about you) and when you're done you feel completely better... We girls don't even understand ourselves, and I sympathize with you men who can't figure us out. Yeah, being female isn't always all it's cracked up to be... Something funny Christy said the other day: (completely sarcastic tone of voice) "isn't it funny how we are inflicted with disease once a month?"... Well I thought it was funny. =D
Tomorrow is friday!!! Tomorrow is Friday!! It doesn't matter that my entire weekend will be filled with dress rehearsals and concerts, because tomorrow is friday! We have our dorm's winter formal banquet tomorrow night. I'm excited to get all dressed up and dance and eat real food, etc... but there is this shadow of a doubt in my mind that it won't be fun.. I dunno, I just can't shake it. Probably it has something to do with the fact that I don't have a date... I don't need a guy to have fun, but you always get a little lonely when you are surrounded by couples and you aren't one (I took that for granted for a long time) Oh well... Life goes on I suppose.
It has been called to my attention today that I am "incredibly small". To all you especially observant ones; yes, this is very true.. I have always been very small. This is not a recent development. Thank you for noticing. ;-)
By the way, I am now posting on http://www.god-only-knows.blogspot.com as well as on this site. Check it out sometime!
Well I love & miss you all! Talk to you later!
creativeoncommand: no idea
teejnits: A program that will make sure Windows NEVER has a problem again... ever! ?
creativeoncommand: LOL
creativeoncommand: NOT!
teejnits: LOL... TRUE
creativeoncommand: is it a pad and paper?
creativeoncommand: lol
creativeoncommand: i'm so funny
teejnits: After I customize and optimize Windows the way I want it... I install it and Windows will never screw up (it doesn't screw up anyway, people just don't always programm for Windows correctly)
teejnits: Keyword there... never
teejnits: I will never get a virus
creativeoncommand: I never get virises, and my computer hasn't had a problem in the 4 years i've had it...
For all you PC users:
MACS RULE!!!
You know those mornings when you wake up and the crotch of your pajamas is twisted all the way to the middle of your left leg, and then in the process of trying to detangle yourself you end up completely tangled in your clothing and bed sheets? Well I DO! But that is not why I brought that up. Today my suitemate used that analogy to describe the current state of her soul... To sum up: The crotch of her soul is out of alignment and she is frustrated by this... Ah yes, good old girl conversations. We also discussed those days when you feel like crying for no apparent reason. So you cry for like 20 minutes (just enough time for someone close to become worried about you) and when you're done you feel completely better... We girls don't even understand ourselves, and I sympathize with you men who can't figure us out. Yeah, being female isn't always all it's cracked up to be... Something funny Christy said the other day: (completely sarcastic tone of voice) "isn't it funny how we are inflicted with disease once a month?"... Well I thought it was funny. =D
Tomorrow is friday!!! Tomorrow is Friday!! It doesn't matter that my entire weekend will be filled with dress rehearsals and concerts, because tomorrow is friday! We have our dorm's winter formal banquet tomorrow night. I'm excited to get all dressed up and dance and eat real food, etc... but there is this shadow of a doubt in my mind that it won't be fun.. I dunno, I just can't shake it. Probably it has something to do with the fact that I don't have a date... I don't need a guy to have fun, but you always get a little lonely when you are surrounded by couples and you aren't one (I took that for granted for a long time) Oh well... Life goes on I suppose.
It has been called to my attention today that I am "incredibly small". To all you especially observant ones; yes, this is very true.. I have always been very small. This is not a recent development. Thank you for noticing. ;-)
By the way, I am now posting on http://www.god-only-knows.blogspot.com as well as on this site. Check it out sometime!
Well I love & miss you all! Talk to you later!
November 24, 2004
Slipping Away
Sometimes
I want to slip away
Beneath the cracks of the earth
Where no one can find me.
Where I can peacefully rest
Surrounded by the warm earth
Looking up at the world.
I want to fast foreward
To happier days
Where the sun shines
And the days aren't so cold and lonely
I want to be held closely
In a loved one's arms
To be motivated to succeed
And to have the wisdom and knowledge
That I so desperately desire.
Will I learn this time?
Am I hopelessly doomed to failure
By my tragic flaws?
Will I ever live up to
The potential
That I know God has given me?
I don't know.
But I do know
That this cycle must be
Short lived.
Or else I will eventually
Slip away
Into the cracks of the earth
And be forgotten.
Sometimes
I want to slip away
Beneath the cracks of the earth
Where no one can find me.
Where I can peacefully rest
Surrounded by the warm earth
Looking up at the world.
I want to fast foreward
To happier days
Where the sun shines
And the days aren't so cold and lonely
I want to be held closely
In a loved one's arms
To be motivated to succeed
And to have the wisdom and knowledge
That I so desperately desire.
Will I learn this time?
Am I hopelessly doomed to failure
By my tragic flaws?
Will I ever live up to
The potential
That I know God has given me?
I don't know.
But I do know
That this cycle must be
Short lived.
Or else I will eventually
Slip away
Into the cracks of the earth
And be forgotten.
November 22, 2004
well now I know what it feels like to be completely alone with your thoughts, and no one's around to talk to. I had a paper due today, but I seriously can't write anything. It's like i'm having writer's block, only to an extreme that I've never had it before. I need a distraction real fast or i'm gonna have to break something...
I am not usually the kind of person who can't think clearly in a bad situation... Alright, so i've been through some pretty dumb crap in my short time, but it takes a lot to get me this worked up... aaaaaarrrrgghhh... I hate feeling helpless.. and worse, I hate feeling guilty... and EVEN worse, I hate knowing that my own actions have caused people (ESPECIALLY the people I love the most) a lot of pain... I'm not depressed, I don't usually get depressed... But I do get extreme anxiety, and i'm kinda afraid i'm gonna work myself into an anxiety attack... Don't worry though. Seriously, there are plenty of people here, so i'm not gonna die or anything.
I have some serious issues that need to be worked out in my life. First on the list is "Dont you ever lie again to the people you love, even if you think you have good intentions. You are wrong!" I do actually repremand myself in my mind... i'm a little odd... Secondly, I need to figure out what the heck i'm so confused about... Even though I think I have a better idea, I still don't think I could verbalize what I think my problem is.... *makes frustrated noise and shifts in chair* I hate this... I hate it I hate it I hate it. I miss him, I need God, I can't control my thoughts, I can't concentrate, I feel guilty, I feel broken, I need to focus, I need to trust God, I need some kind of distraction, I need love, I want a hug, I need to let this go and give it up, but I can't. I am helpless...
At least I know that I don't know how I feel...
Hey look! My blog is turning into another excuse for another American to whine about her life...
Note to self: Stop whining and do something productive!!
Self: I'm trying darn it!!
I think i'm schitzophrenic or something.
Ok, time to break something. talk to you kids later.
Love you and God Bless
I am not usually the kind of person who can't think clearly in a bad situation... Alright, so i've been through some pretty dumb crap in my short time, but it takes a lot to get me this worked up... aaaaaarrrrgghhh... I hate feeling helpless.. and worse, I hate feeling guilty... and EVEN worse, I hate knowing that my own actions have caused people (ESPECIALLY the people I love the most) a lot of pain... I'm not depressed, I don't usually get depressed... But I do get extreme anxiety, and i'm kinda afraid i'm gonna work myself into an anxiety attack... Don't worry though. Seriously, there are plenty of people here, so i'm not gonna die or anything.
I have some serious issues that need to be worked out in my life. First on the list is "Dont you ever lie again to the people you love, even if you think you have good intentions. You are wrong!" I do actually repremand myself in my mind... i'm a little odd... Secondly, I need to figure out what the heck i'm so confused about... Even though I think I have a better idea, I still don't think I could verbalize what I think my problem is.... *makes frustrated noise and shifts in chair* I hate this... I hate it I hate it I hate it. I miss him, I need God, I can't control my thoughts, I can't concentrate, I feel guilty, I feel broken, I need to focus, I need to trust God, I need some kind of distraction, I need love, I want a hug, I need to let this go and give it up, but I can't. I am helpless...
At least I know that I don't know how I feel...
Hey look! My blog is turning into another excuse for another American to whine about her life...
Note to self: Stop whining and do something productive!!
Self: I'm trying darn it!!
I think i'm schitzophrenic or something.
Ok, time to break something. talk to you kids later.
Love you and God Bless
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