Love is in the air...

Why is it that when you look at pictures of people kissing, it looks like they have no lips and/or they are eating eachother's faces?
...
Its an important question i'd like answered. And why are there so many pictures of people I know kissing anyways? You almost can't escape them if you're on a photo site...
But then again I'm a hypocrite for saying this.

At least I have lips in my kissy picture.

=P

*sigh* I should go write a paper or something.
But now I suppose I have to show that picture.
Here ya go!




Now I am like EVERYONE ELSE! hehehe

2 Songs...

How i've felt for so many years....
She says it so well.


Momentum
Vienna Teng

Why am I walking barefoot
Upon this road with no one around
I close my eyes to this decision
The night's like coffee to my tongue
Like waking up without a sound
I map the words out
Maybe you will say them

Won't you help me rise up
Touch my face and watch me try to breathe again
Would you let me do this
Burn down the final wall

Overcome me, baby
Overcome me, baby
Overcome me, baby
Overcome me, yeah

All I'm asking is to be alive
For once

Always I am mistaken
I look for love, I find a stone
Of all the seasons, winter befriends me
I come to you in friendship
And hold my breath against the snow
What are you thinking as I gaze into you

Forgive me the confusion
Forgive me as I realize my thoughts betrayed
You are the answer
Cry and smile the same

Overcome me, baby
Overcome me, baby
Overcome me, baby
Overcome, yeah

All I'm asking is to be
All I'm asking is to be
Alive

Overcome me (overcome me baby), baby
Overcome me (overcome me baby), baby
Overcome me (overcome me baby), baby
(overcome me)

Overcome me (overcome me baby), baby
(overcome me)
Overcome
Overcome
Overcome
Overcome

All I'm asking is to be
Alive


"The Tower"
Vienna Teng

the one who survives by making the lives
of others worthwhile
she's coming apart
right before my eyes
the one who depends on the services she renders
to those who come knocking
she's seeing too clearly what she can't be
what understanding defies

she says I need not to need
or else a love with intuition
someone who reaches out to my weakness and won't let go
I need not to need
I've always been the tower
but now I feel like I'm the flower trying to bloom in snow

she turns out the light anticipating night falling
tenderly around her
and watches the dusk
the words won't come
she carries the act so convincingly the fact is
sometimes she believes it
that she can be happy the way things are
be happy with the things she's done

reach out
but hold back
where is safety
reach out
and hold back
where is the one who can change me
where is the one
the one
the one

reach out
but hold back
where is safety
reach out
and hold back
where is the one who can save me
where is the one
the one
the one

myspace ♥ survey
BASiC iNF0
name:	Laura (its pronounced Lara, not Lora. Now you know =P)
nicknames:	Kat, my last name, Big H, Lo-lye (my name in Cantonese)
age:	20.84
birthday:	12.24.85
location:	Michigan & Nebraska
school/grade:	15th
backgrounds:	french, german, english, scotish, native american, etc...
siblings:	1 sister
straight/bi/gay:	straight
job:	student
APPEARANCE
hair color:	uuuuh... lightish....
eye color:	blue & green in the middle
height:	5'1"
ethnicity:	I already told you
label:	don't label me... =P
look like a celeb:	Will's mom said I look like Jennifer Love-Heiwitt... but I don't really see it.
dye your hair:	nope
have bangs:	Well I did, until my friends staged an intervention
have braces:	long time ago
wear glasses:	long time ago
wear contacts:	no
piercings:	only my ears
tattoos:	not currently....
favorites
color:	blue and green
movie:	urrrr...... thats hard
tv show:	ditto...
animal:	Wolves and Tucans... and those little rainforest tree frogs =)
food:	Chocolate!
drink:	pure fruit juice
alcoholic drink:	I dunno
car:	mine...
day of the week:	Friday!
season:	Summer
song:	Again, tough question
sport:	Figure Skating!! duh.
radio station:	I don't listen much... *blushes*
resturant:	mmmm... Marie Catrib's
teacher:	so far I like almost all of them
class:	World Religions and Theology 353
holiday:	Christmas and Thanksgiving
quote:	"There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart" -Jane Austen
book:	A lot... The Accidental Tourist, Great Gatsby, Blue Like Jazz... I'm really not sure
magazine:	Paste
flower:	Roses and Violets
memory:	That night Will and I walked around Lake Zorinsky 2 summers ago.
tv channel:	TLC & the History Chanel
LAST
person you hugged:	Cynthia
person you kissed:	Will
thing you said:	"oh hi!... I thought you were Cynthia"
thing you ate:	Choclate covered apples with my suite
imed:	I haven't been on in awhile....
texted:	?
you called:	Will
called you:	Will
person you saw:	Karen
you have a long convo with:	Will
FRiENDS
prettiest:	Wittwer, Jackie and Kenzie =D
stupidest:	thats not nice!
smartest:	Will
best house:	...
best car:	...
best parents:	out of my friends? Will's
loudest:	Angela when she's on the phone.
funniest:	Wittwer
craziest:	Shannon
most shy:	me or Julie?
always has a boyfriend/girlfriend:	um... I'm not sure.
always has parties:	define "parties"
best girl friend:	Wittwer
best guy friend:	Will
known the longest:	mmm.... Nicole, then Wittwer and Jackie
known the shortest:	Grace
look up to the most:	look up? I don't know what that means...
opinionated:	TJ
athletic:	Devon
most likely to pass out drunk:	?
to go streaking:	Cynthia
become a cop:	Shannon
become famous:	Will
kill someone:	Cynthia. she would also take and disect their liver
try to take over the world:	hmmm... probably Will and I combined
THiS 0R THAT
summer or winter:	both
dog or cat:	cat
pepsi or coke:	COKE!
cellphone or ipod:	Cell phone
ocean or pool:	ocean
black or white:	black
chocolate or vanilla:	chocolate
flowers or candy:	flowers
rock or rap:	rock
tv or movie:	movie
aim or myspace:	aim
stars or hearts:	hearts
bracelet or necklace:	necklace
gold or silver:	silver
brunette or blonde:	blonde
kisses or hugs:	kisses
pen or pencil:	pen
lb or oc:	lb
iN THE PAST MONTH
drank:	nope
smoked:	no
failed a test:	no
had sex:	nay, would that I had. haha
been home alone:	yep
stayed home from school:	hehehehe.. I mean.. no, of course not.
been to the mall:	yes
bought a book:	yes
been to a show/concert:	yes
yelled at someone:	no
got into a fight/argument:	no
cried to a friend:	yes
told the truth:	I hope so
told a lie:	probably
been out of state:	I live out of state
iN Y0UR R00M
tv:	define "my room". technically they're all my rooms.... so yes.
your own phone:	yes
your own phone line:	yes
vcr:	yes
dvd player:	yes
radio:	yes
computer:	yes
posters:	yes
of what?:	Monet, french posters, more art posters & postcards, and a Vienna Teng poster
pictures:	yes
of who?:	only the cool kids...
RELATi0NSHiPS
taken or single:	taken
got a crush:	well... its hard to say really.... hmmm.... yeah, I'd say so.. hehe.
name pleaseee:	William C. Anderson
how far have you gone:	hehe. this is just like playing truth in middle school. Far enough
how far do you want to go:	well duh...
last person you said i love you to:	Will
C0UNTD0WN
10 PE0PLE WH0 MEAN A L0T T0 Y0U
1:::	Mom
2:::	Dad
3:::	Anna
4:::	Will
5:::	Wittwer
6:::	Jackie
7:::	Angela
8:::	Julie
9:::	Grace
10:::	Cynthia
9 THiNGS Y0U L0VE
1:::	Will.
2:::	The Sims!
3:::	talking with my mom
4:::	cooking
5:::	roadtrips
6:::	singing
7:::	religion & philosophy
8:::	getting to know people (in the real world)
9:::	my fishies and my cats and dog
8 THiNGS Y0U HATE
1:::	stubborn ignorance
2:::	yelling
3:::	violence
4:::	arrogance
5:::	confrontation
6:::	manipulation
7:::	shopping for jeans
8:::	due dates...
7 THiNGS Y0U CAN'T LIVE WiTH0UT
1:::	my friends and family
2:::	God
3:::	academic learning
4:::	Will
5:::	music
6:::	my Mac
7:::	good food
6 THiNGS Y0U'RE WEARiNG RiGHT N0W
1:::	blue turtle-neck
2:::	jeans
3:::	socks
4:::	underwear
5:::	a ring
6:::	a hair-band
5 THiNGS Y0U'D RATHER BE D0iNG
1:::	playing piano
2:::	taking to Will
3:::	going to a show
4:::	traveling the world
5:::	writing the great american novel...
4 0F Y0UR FAV0RiTE ST0RES
1:::	Ann Taylor Loft
2:::	Whole Foods (sad I know, but I miss it *tear*)
3:::	TJ Mack's
4:::	Tuesday Morning
3 THiNGS Y0U'D TAKE T0 A DESSERTED iSLAND
1:::	Will
2:::	a towel (obviously)
3:::	medicine
2 0F Y0UR FAV0RiTE THiNGS
1:::	good food
2:::	good friends
1 PERS0N Y0U MiSS RiGHT N0W
1:::	Will
DiD Y0U...
like the survey:	meh it was alright
wish it were over 5 minutes ago:	yeah...
lie about anything:	nope
Take this survey | Find more surveys Bzoink - The Original Survey Site

It has to be worked out...

I look back at my life over the past few years, and I see that I am still naive in so many ways. I guess thats the important lesson about head knowledge and the heart--In order to fully understand something you have to free your heart from it.

But I thought I understood. I thought I knew exactly what not to do and think. Where did I go wrong?

I guess I just couldn't prepare myself for something so real that I couldn't possibly understand how it would affect me until I had it.

So now I learn what I forgot--What to do if all the perfect little plans I had for the future turn out to be a little too perfect. And, how to repair, re-evaluate, and grow into a more complete understanding.

But how...and why? Why couldn't it have been anything else?

Life is hard sometimes. Why couldn't I have learned it all in advance? I tried so hard...

I just say all this because i'm frustrated with myself.

~ ~ ~

I never considered the fact that I myself might in some way not be enough. That sounds a little arrogant... and that's probably accurate. I suppose thats the ego i've developed over the years. It comes from my past and the brokenness that characterized it.

If I were psycho-analyzed, i'm sure a councelor would tell me that my desire to be encouraging, serving, and loyal was there to begin with, but was abused by childhood family experiences, and that my future-planning is my security net of stability. Yeah, it makes sense even if I don't want it to.

What I want is to love people; specifically, to devote my energy to one person, and to be loved in return. What I assumed was that this would be a life-long process.

I realize now that this assumption is a contradiction to what my first desire is--to be selflessly devoted to one person, or, to truly love someone.

Both a councelor and my pride would tell me that it was selfish of my family to use me as a support during that troubling time.
But now that I think about it, I realize that they're wrong.

If my calling in life is to demonstrate love to people, then any selfish expectations that I place on them are only selfish, and have no place in my heart.

That helps a bit.

Its terrifying and painful to consider the fact that I may have to relinquish some of my desires in order to satisfy higher ones.

It is still my hope that my place will someday be... with another person. But I've got to stop thinking that way.

God give me strength to live up to these lofty ideals.

Keep on Keepin' on...

Upon further consideration of my last post, I'd like to clarify something:
I don't really understand anything yet.
The world is simple and complicated, and I'm not convinced that any of it can be understood in a completely 'True' way.

The latest dilemma I've come across is a question of faith and conflicting worldviews.

If you are a theist, and you believe that the world is an open system that is acted upon by an outside force, then it is perfectly consistent to believe in a God who drives (or perhaps I'd rather say 'influences' and sustains) cause and effect in the world. It is perfectly consistent to attribute spirituality and seemingly impossible physical events to God.

However, If you are a naturalist, and you believe the physical world to be a closed system, then any experience that may seem unexplainable or spiritual in nature can always be explained by natural processes (if not now then in the future).

Therefore, the question ultimately becomes 'what worldview/set of assumptions seems more correct?' Where do you place your faith? For now I'll leave this question open-ended, as I really don't have a clear answer straightened out.

~ ~ ~

Do we need religion to answer the "why?" question of life? That is the first question I need answered. I lay awake last night 'till around 3 thinking about the answer to that question.

Truthfully, I think the answer is 'no'. Generally speaking, I think (and correct me if I'm wrong) that religion does not give us a reason for our existence, or an explanation of why man exists. Or, at least, that is not its purpose. True religion does not serve us/our desires, it serves that which is beyond us. What it gives us is joy in the recognition of Beauty in the world.

I say this because there is no real explanation for why Beauty (capital B) exists. It exists for its own sake.

What is it that gives us "meaning" in our life? And what is "meaning" altogether?

I think thats all for now, but i'll be sure to keep on writing, and thinking about these things. Your suggestions & support are greatly appreciated. Please pray for me and my developing understanding.

There is no bridge over troubled waters...

You are about to read (in rather scattered form) my newly realized worldview

A lot has been happening, and I suppose thats why I've neglected this page for so long. Busy-ness is a common excuse these days, and i'm sure you all understand how crazy times can be. But activity isn't the predominant thing that has been troubling me lately.

The main reason I haven't been writing is because I haven't been able to think clearly.

Something strange happens to you when you start to seriously question the fundamental beliefs that support your thoughts and actions- Your distracted brain stops putting things together correctly. Never, and I mean Never, did I ever imagine that I would come to a point where I could rationalize my faith in Christ. It turns out I was very very wrong. I can rationalize it, and I did for a time. That time, or rather the climax of that time, was right before I came back to school this year. Try to imagine what its like to feel lost and confused in your spiritual life and then to have to go take classes in it... and be GRADED... I was pretty discouraged, to put it lightly.

But its curious how strong faith is for those who have tasted it. No matter how confused and disheartened I got, I couldn't bring myself to deny my own past experience. I've seen God work powerfully and intentionally in my life, and in others' lives. There is no way that those experiences could have been driven by a naive hope in something that exists only in the mind, or in the minds of others. I really felt for a time that if God really was there, than he was gone, or removed, or even powerless- that we were naming Him after senimental feelings of love, or using Him as a crutch when we we couldn't find hope. Nearly all religious practice can be explained by the anecdotes of Freud, Marx, and Nietzsche, or in the writings of men like Joseph Campbell. It's true, and everyone should consider this.

This was where I was stuck for a long time- What if i'm making up my own spirituality? Do I believe what I believe only becuase i'm told to? What if I were born into another religion, or, what if I'd been born without a religion? Would I really still believe that Jesus Christ is the Savior of the world?

I didn't feel like it was possible to budge from these questions- like I was going to have to satisfy myself with logical, strictly physical answers or I would never have resolution. It seemed like Christians who had experienced spirituality never really considered/struggled with these questions, and people who had did not understand my experiences with faith and spirituality. I alternated between feeling stupid for continuing to believe in a God that I could explain away through logic, and ridiculous for giving simple answers to complex events I knew I couldn't explain away.

That was the trouble- If I gave in to a naturalistic worldview, I would be denying the presence of a spiritual power acting in the the physical world. If I did that, then there was no problem in saying that God does not exist. Furthermore, I could write off everyone else who was a "spritiual person" as illogical and uncritical of the evidence and of the power of symbol in the human mind. If I ignored myself and focused on every other Christian I knew, I could deny the existance of God. However, I have seen an unexplained power working in my life, and the only logical, all-encompasing name that I can give it is "God".

It took me quite sometime to straighten that difference out.

The question about the existance of God eventually comes down to this: "Is there, or is there not a supernatural power working in this world?"
And, if your answer is immediately "no", then you must ask yourself whether or not you think people like me are lying or are misled, and why. And, if the answer could even possibly be "no", then you must ask yourself whether or not you think it is possible that you yourself have missed something.

All of this I've considered, and concluded that I am not crazy or illogical or misled. I cannot deny what I know to be true in myself and in every other culture of the world- There is an outside force acting in this world we live in, and it is personal and specific in its interaction with humanity.

And now... I am a universalist...

HA! just kidding.

I am a follower of Christ. And next time, I will tell you why...

Delicioso... ;-)

"Sargina... dance the rumba!"

Now, some film expert tell me what movie that quote is from (besides Will. I know you know) and you will earn an A+ in my "the best films need to be appreciated class". I will give you one big hint: its an older italian film.

So my first final is finnished, and it was relatively painless. Not to mention the fact that I got an A+ on my statistics research!! That will help my GPA a lot... Now to burn my notes on statistics so I will never be tempted to return to mathematics again.

Julie and I went to Johnny's today to study (johnny's is a coffee shop on campus) and she told me stories of how she worked back stage for bands like 5 iron frenzy, jars of clay, and relient k one summer. She and I are both relatively calm, intellectual girls, however, when it comes to bands/authors/other generally awesome famous people we turn into the sort of teeny-bopper stalkers that you see at boyband concerts. We are those girls who steal the band's sweaty towels after the show, put them in air-tight bags, and sell them on ebay for thousands of dollars.... So yah, we had some good stories.

my last freak-out incident occurred when the author Don Miller spoke at our school. It took me about an hour standing in line to calm down and think of what I was going to say when I finally met him (he signed 2 of my books). I did eventually stop bouncing (I didn't want to look like an idiot in front of one of my favority authors!) and wringing my hands. Finally, when I got to the front of the line, I was ready to say the profound words of thanks that were to leave my face permanently imprinted in Don's mind... but all I could do was grin like an idiot and stumble over my words. He kind of looked up at me and smiled. "who do you want me to make this out to?" he asked. "well... (duuuh i'm an idiot)...um.. me?". So much for leaving a striking image in his mind. Maybe i'll show up in one of his books as the cute but rather simple girl who couldn't put her words together when meeting Donald Miller... *sigh* oh well. I should have asked him to sign my stomach or something.... hehe kidding.

Well kids i'm going to go take advantage of the fact that the practice rooms at the Fine Arts Center are open. Its time to be creative! Good luck with finals those of you who are still in school!

Peace.

Finals are upon us!

As of 36 minutes ago... My first day of finals has begun!!
...
and here I am writing in my blog. hehehe.

I'm really not too stressed out about finals. Whats important is that all of my papers are turned in, and the biggest finals will all be over by monday night. The only 2 to worry about will be my 2 theology finals... eek... Unfortunately they're both on the same day. Lets just hope I keep the information on the right tests. meh. Whatever happens, i'm not terribly worried. It's been a nice year, but its time to get the heck out of Michigan! I actually miss the corn fields...

But not before Will and I get to Chicago! Will is taking a bus all the way up here to help me pack and accompany me back home... But before going home, we're going to stop in Chicago for a day to see the art institute, eat good food, see some jazz (if I can get in), and have a generally good time goofing off. Can't wait!!

Well, sadly, I should get some sleep since my final is at 9am tomorrow morning. After that a nap and more studying... Hope everyone is having a wonderful week!

Atheism is fun!

'evenin all

I should be writing a paper right now, but I decided to procrastinate for a bit and write here instead. The reason I say atheists are fun is because my paper is on "suspician and faith". I'm basically analyzing the criticisms of religion (mostly Christianity) done by 3 of the most well-known atheists of our time. Its fun stuff. After a while though, you need a break... Especially before getting started on Nietzsche.. I'd like to stay sane... hehe.

My family came up to see my choir concert on friday night. That was nice since I won't be seeing them together very often from now on. The concert went really well, and the night as a whole was a lot of fun.

I went to the grocery store the other day and bought all organic foods... I tried to find things that were also free-trade, but as of now free-trade products aren't especially popular in mainstream grocery stores (and really, a lot of the natural stuff comes from America anyway). It cost a little more than usual, but I think the small difference is worth it. All of the food tastes better and is much more healthy (and environmentally friendly). The weirdist thing I bought is this Kosher cheese... It's called "naturally good kosher", and advertises as being "all natural, no preservatives, no animal rennet, and 100% Vegetarian". I started to wonder after buying it whether or not I was taking my resolution a little too far, but after trying it, I decided I wasn't. It was gooood. I mean, what great benefits to doing the right thing! Not only am I supporting a cause that I believe in, I get to eat better too!

Lately i've been trying to eat healthier foods as well as support free-trade and natural products. I've actually come to not crave pop or really fatty/sugary foods anymore... Thats a lot for me because I used to drink non-diet soda nearly every day of the week. I'm not worried about getting fat or anything silly like that, but I did notice at the beginning of the year that my energy levels were really low and I was getting sick more often. After taking a gym class here, I learned that my diet was really doing bad things for my body (probably why I was tired and sick all the time). I also learned that the phosphoric acid in soda (ALL soda, including diet) inhibited calcium absorption in my bones. Since i'm already a small girl who is currently doing no weight bearing exercise (which increases my chances of getting osteoperosis by about 50%), I realized just how risky I was being with my diet. My professor also told us that girls who are skinny and sit around a lot are often less healthy than girls who appear overweight for their height but exercise. This is because your heart is very weak and fatty when you don't exercise. She also told our class that people who only diet are more at risk for heart attacks and heart disease, and people who severely limit their diet but over exercise are more at risk for heart attacks and are likely to tear muscles and joints and have all sorts of problems... So, basically, she woke me up and made me decide to eat healthier more wholesome foods whenever i'm hungry. I probably should work on that exercise thing a little more now. I've become so lazy! hehe.

I also bought some "organic soda" at the store for kicks... It doesn't have phosphoric acid, caffine, or starchy corn syrup in it, just cane sugar and fiizzy water. It's not bad and it still lets me drink a little bit of soda! Never in my life did I imagine i'd be a health conscious person... and like it..?

Well I suppose its back to the atheists for now. This paper is due tomorrow and I still have places to go and people to see. I love you all and i'll see you back home on the 19th!

Much love,
Laura

I need sleep...

Hello lovelies,

I hope everyone is doing well.

I decided to get off campus today because its been a tough day. Actually its been a tough 3 days. For some reason I haven't been able to sleep for the past 3 nights, and its been really hard to stay awake... Except for the fact that I tried to take a nap this afternoon and I couldn't fall asleep. I think that must have been the last straw because about 10minutes before I was supposed to get up I just burst into tears. Its frustrating not being able to sleep, especially because i'm awake all the time but i'm not coherent enough to write papers and my eyes are too tired to read (can't find my reading glasses).

There are other things too I suppose; little trivial things that really don't mean anything but that I think too much about and get upset over. I'm just not happy here anymore. I need to be around people who love me again.

So I went off campus with my book and tried to read while I was waiting for dinner. I must have looked pretty funny because I was holding the book about 4 inches from my face and squinting. Getting off campus did feel good. I've become a lot more introverted this semester i've discovered. Going out to eat by myself would have bothered me a year ago, but with all the recent circumstances in my life it feels good to get away from some of these people, this institution, and the rest of my worries.

I really miss Will. Its amazing how much joy he brings to my life.

Yesterday one of my friends was having a tough day so while I was out I stopped by the sugar coated heart-attack store A.K.A Krispy Kreme and bought some doughnuts for her and her roomie. Things like that make me happy when I'm a little down. Also, as I was driving home I saw a nerdy bumper sticker that made me smile. It was a picture of a bass clef with the words "Got Bass?" under it. Today really was a beautiful day. The sun was shining and the trees are all blooming here. Isn't it funny how we can get so depressed over such little things when people across the world are dying from genoside and starvation? I'd bring them more than doughnuts if I could...

Love you all

Please say a prayer that i'll sleep tonight.

yes yes, I'm going to whine...

I occasionally have the desire to say really stupid things that most people brush off as strange avant guarde comments that mean nothing.

The Freudian analyst in me says its my way of trying to let people know that i'm hurting, or, more correctly, that they've hurt me without even realizing it. I apparently have some pent-up aggressive tendencies... but no one ever realizes it.

I was standing in our bathroom washing out a bowl, and noticed my suite-mate sitting at her desk (the bathroom connects my room-mate and I's room with our suite-mate's room). I wasn't thinking about much, and lately I don't have much to say to the people who I used to be so close with on our floor. Its not because i'm angry at them. They haven't done anything to me. I've just resigned myself to quiet acceptance of the fact that most of them don't really have any interest in my friendship. But I can talk about that later. So what I said was

Me: "I don't know what it is about sophomore year... I've really turned into a hermit." (meaning: Duh. HAVE YOU NOTICED?)
*pause*
"I really wasn't like this last year..."

Yeah... because last year I spent all of my free time traveling to other people's rooms to see them... But now that I quit making all the effort not one of the people who I hung out with last year has come to me and asked me why... All anyone can say is "Where have you been? You know Laura... you really should spend less time on the phone (with my boyfriend)."
--To clarify... I talk to Will in the middle of the night so that we both have time for a social life, and because thats when I have unlimited minutes on my cell phone. Sometimes we talk during the day for a limited amount of time... if we get the chance.--

My suite-mate (in a completely uninterested tone): "Well then why are you a hermit?"

I said something about not being very organized with my homework and walked away.

At the beginning of the year I spent a lot of time trying to make compromises with people. I told them that I wanted to find some time that we could spend together, and they said that would be good. (and also that I should not talk on the phone at night because that was too much time on the phone.. What the heck? I'm in a long distance relationship and we both have lives! Why can't we study together during the day?). So, basically, after a number of really big dissappointments (including my room mate and other friends getting a house together... I know it wasn't malicious, but it still hurt.) I've basically come to the point of resignation... Which is not a place i'm used to being in.

I've never not been able to be friends with people before... It makes me really frustrated. I need people. I'm a people person and I have never met a person I sincerely disliked... Maybe its the fact that no one is especially intimate here. I'm an intimate person. I love people and if anyone ever came to me and sincerely wanted to talk i'd love them for their willingness to be real... I just don't understand what is so different about the people here.

The thing that is most frustrating is the stark contrast between last year and this year. Last year I put all my energy into one group of people, and this year they're all close but i'm not... mmmm...

Alright, well i'm done ranting for now. I feel better now that i've actually written it all down. Now I suppose its back to papers and studying for finals... *sigh* isn't life fun?

Here's to all the exhausted college kids like me who went to bed at 5:30 last night because of papers and tests!

Cheers

Saturday saturday

G'day all,

I would like to start out by saying that Echinacea tea is very soothing. I'm not much of a drinker (of anything. I don't mean alcohol, I'm not a drinker of that either). My suitemates call my tea "euthanasia tea" because of the similarity of words and also because it makes me pretty mellow... and also because the box it comes in shows strange pictures of Indian mystics meditating.... Go figure, i'm not dead yet. lol. At least it keeps me hydrated.

Will, after staying up half the night doing one of those walks to fight cancer, woke up very sick. I learned this afternoon that he, like me, is hillarious when sick. I don't say this to embarrass him, but the truth is, our conversation was quite amusing. I don't know exactly what it is that fevers do to the mind, but when some people get fevers they develop a sort of irregular creative thought pattern that is both inspiring and completely incoherent. I know what you're thinking, and yes, perhaps you're right. This could also be called "madness"... But before you write me off, consider all the genius works of literature and art that were created by people who had "slightly altered" minds... At one point in our conversation Will called American vowels "whores", and proceeded to explain their permiscuous and incestual relations with one another, the result of which is the English language and the existance of far more vowels than the 5 we acknowledge... I have probably stated this incorrectly, but he has a fever so he may never know... hehehe. Get some rest love.

I've been a complete hermit for the past week and a half, and for some reason it hasn't bothered me that much. I've done a lot of reading, which is what I need to be doing for class. The other day I realized that i've been pulling away from some of my friendships here. It hasn't been a conscious thing, but i've learned a lot from it. At the beginning of the year my roommate of 2 years and one of my other friends announced that they were going to get a house together next year. I wasn't mad when she told me, I was just dissapointed and a little hurt. Its just that I spent a year and a half trying to become intimate with this group of people, and their friendships were the deepest I had here. Unfortunately, they've all known each other since they were little. I understand that, I really do, I have friends like that back home (I miss you guys a lot btw). I guess they just didn't ever really need anyone else. *shrugs* What can ya do? Anyways, so i've been spending time with my future apartment-mates. You really find out who cares when you stop making all the effort. There is one thing that does really bug me- The only reason one of my friends ever comes into my room is to ask where my room mate is... *sigh* people bug me sometimes. Luckily I have amazing friends here and at home... And don't get me wrong, I love my room mate to death. I'm over it.

Well kids, I must go study.

Peace!

A very personal post... made very public.

I'm reading a book for a class written by a missionary serving in Africa. In Africa, he says, if you get bitten by a snake, the only way to survive is to draw the poison from the wound slowly. It takes quite some time, but you will survive.

People tell me that i'm "tough". I'm not sure what this means, but perhaps in some capacity they are right. I grew up surrounded by depression, anger, and lonliness. Not to say that my childhood was bad, or that I don't love my family, that is purely untrue. All families have their tough times, and mine is no exception. Its just that in my home, everyone was lonely.

I don't know what miracle or divine scheme protected me from depression in high school, but somehow, unlike most of my friends and family, I resisted it. My sister writes in her poetry that depression is a painful darkness- darkness of the mind, of the spirit, of the body. There is no place you can point to and say "this hurts". It's either all numb, or all pain. When she is depressed, the darkness does the talking for her. I've seen it time and time again. One tiny thing goes amiss, and that darkness starts pouring out in an uncontrolled string of hate, anger, and self-loathing. When I went home over spring break, she had run out of her medication, and flew into a rage over not being allowed to drive the car on the interstate (she just got her lerner's permit). It's true, it does seem selfish to demand the right to drive where ever you want when first learning, and I was a little shocked to see a 15 year-old acting 2. We were going to a resturant (it was my last meal at home before going back to school), and she was so mad at mom for not letting her drive that she stormed into the restroom and stayed there. My mom just slumped over in her chair, looking so sad and so defeated. Finally, I walked into the bathroom and called my sisiter out of the stall. I told her I was sorry she was out of her medication, but the way she had acted was very out of line. The girl who emerged from the bathroom wasn't the girl I had heard hurling insults at Mom a few minutes earlier. She was just ashamed of the way she had acted, and frustrated that she wasn't able to contain it. It took me years to figure it out. I still get mad when that hateful spew begins, but now I understand it. Now I just cry thinking about my little sister living in the dark.

When I was 8 or 9 I wrote in my diary that I was afraid my mom and dad were going to get divorced. I remember running to my mom's room crying and asking her flat out- "Are you and dad going to get divorced?". I still remember her face- such surprise and sadness that I would think such a thought. "No Laura" she told me, "I don't want to leave your father, and as far as I know he doesn't want to leave me. Don't worry." I've seen my mother cry many times since that day.

I remember very clearly that summer day in early highschool. Dad was in England on a trip. I heard the basement door open, and saw the figure of my mom walk into the kitchen, but nothing about her was my mom. Now, when you live with and spend time around people, you can generally tell when something is going on with them. "Are you ok?" I asked. Right question, wrong time. Then my mom, who before that day never expressed her feelings, broke down on the floor, sobbing like her life would end. I was so shocked that I also burst into tears. She didn't say much. All she said was "Dad is looking at a job in England."

Children are never supposed to be supports for their parents, but I never knew that. At the time, my mom didn't know she was using me, and in recent years we have developed a much healthier and balanced relationship. I would never judge my mom for being honest with me, and I have forgiven her of any wrongs she may have done me. We have both learned a lot. My mom has lived in the dark for longer than I have been alive, and only recently has she been able to emerge and see herself and her life clearly. I admire her for her decision to get help and take control of herself for the first time.

Through-out my later highschool years I served as comfort to mother and sometimes sister, mediator, councilor, etc, etc... In that time I grew up. There was no time for anything else. Somehow, that little girl who knew nothing about pain and grief and relationships with family matured beyond her years. I don't say this to sound arrogant, though I am thankful for the knowledge I gained. I quickly realized the situation I was in, and what was wrong with it. I learned what things like patience, compassion, communication, servitude, and grace are. I loved more deeply than ever before, but I also hurt more than ever.

Fast-forward through the next few years. These are some scenes from my life you might be surprised by: Overheard late night conversations, midnight expeditions (I sleep over the garage door for pete's sake), false information never explained, and the observation of an unknowing friend resulting in my embarrassment and a dead end explanation.

But now, its all over. Mom and Dad are over. I guess i'll just "get over it", "move on", and continue to be treated like none of it happened to me- Like I am too ignorant in my youth to understand or handle the truth. So go ahead and assume its all about you. Until you can appoligize for those years of confusion and pain and acknowlege that you should have done the job that I was doing for you, I don't want to talk about it. I didn't want to play "head of the household" for my teen years, but I did because I love you. You see, all I want is to love you fully, but you have to let me. You can start with the mysteries, thats all I ask for- answers.

I'm sorry that the truth hurts. But I have to get rid of this poison before it kills the good in me. I only hope what I say now can be the beginning of something new and beautiful. That's all I want- answers. But thats not really what I want-

What I want is love. Love is built on trust.

An Observation...

Ya know, facebook is an evil yet ingenius creation. The more I think about it, the more I like it.



Because I'm curious (or maybe just plain creepy), I occasionally go to blogs/xangas/insert online journal name of old friends that I don't keep in touch with anymore. Creepy, yeah I know. But these people, who I am now friends with through "facebook" all post their sites online for everyone to see. Usually the people I read are the people that I always wanted to know better but, for whatever reason, never did. My guess is that the rest of the world has a life, and so I may be alone in my curiosity. But perhaps i'm wrong...

It makes me a little sad to think about all the friendships that I don't keep up any more. Sometimes I read a blog and find out that the person I used to know has completely changed. More than a few times i've learned that someone has become an alcoholic or a burnout, or has 1.5 kids, or has given up on school, etc, etc... Its really sad. Even though I don't know them anymore I feel kinda like i've lost them all over again. Then again, I wonder who of my highschool friends could have envisioned me attending a Christian college, majoring in religion, and considering seminary... Yeah... Life just changes people.

I guess the truth for me goes something like this: I regret only half knowing people, yet its impossible to have meaningful friendships with so many people.

The reason I'm dwelling on this is because I stumbled across the xanga of a friend from way back-in-the-day (Lord, I must be aging...), and saw that they were complaining about not having many close friends. I felt bad for them, but theres nothing I can easily say to them without sounding like a nut (we were never close).

When I first came to college I met this guy. We'll call him "Ed". Ed and I had a class together. He was a really interesting guy; smart, funny, friendly, you know, just a really nice guy. But I was kinda intimidated by him (probably 'cause he always had clever things to say). By "intimidated", I mean that I was really quiet around him and when I would talk I could never really say anything interesting. Still, being a nice guy, he kept talking to me, but eventaully he kinda stopped. Thus it became akward, and we eventually stopped acknowledging each other at all. To this day i'm not sure if we stopped talking because he gave up, or because I put off too much of an "uninterested" vibe. Maybe one day we'll figure it out. This is another example of what i'm talking about. I hate "almost" friendships, they just bug me. Yet, they are unavoidable...

Speak Lord. Your servant is listening...

When the music fades, all is stripped away, and I simply come...
Wanting just to bring something thats of worth that will bless Your heart.

I'll bring you more than a song, for a song in itself is not what you have required.
You search much deeper within. From the way things appear, You're looking into my heart.

I'm coming back to the heart of worship, and its all about you. Its all about you, Jesus.
I'm sorry Lord for the thing i've made it, when its all about you.
Its all about you Jesus.

King of endless worth, no one could express how much you deserve.
Though i'm weak and poor, all I have is yours- every single breath.

I'll bring you more than a song, for a song in itself is not what you have required.
You search much deeper within. From the way things appear, You're looking into my heart.

I'm coming back to the heart of worship, and its all about you. Its all about you, Jesus.
I'm sorry Lord for the thing i've made it, when its all about you.
Its all about you Jesus.

~ ~ ~

I bought a necklace today. I saw it hanging on the rack at New York and Company and it caught my eye. First, because its artistic beauty, and second because it was a cross. I don't normally buy jewelry, and the jewlry I do occasionally buy is not generally large and elaborately religious. Part of my reasoning is that these days people who wear large elaborate crosses are either conforming to materialistic fashion and robbing the symbol of all important meaning, or, they are being overtly religious in order to draw attention to themselves. Personally I am saddened by both ideas. But I don't want to anger anyone. I know that there are many people who sport religious jewlry out of a sincere desire to bear the symbol of their Savior. Its just that I myself am often afraid of wearing a cross because I don't want to find myself guilty of dragging the symbol of God deeper into the mud (though alas, it is unavoidable anyway). I suppose this fear points to deeper personal issues of dealing with sin, but I will spare you all and go back to what I was originally saying.

For some reason, seeing that Cross being prominently displayed in a department store nearly brought me to tears. So, I bought it. The more I look at it, the more I think about it, the more i'm reminded what it stands for.


Have a wonderful week.

NEW BLOG!

Hello there all,

Just wanted to write a quick note and say that spring break was fantastic and I wish I were still at home... Stupid term papers *grumbles*

I started reading Donald Miller's new book today. It's called "To Own a Dragon", and is every bit as amazing as I had hoped. Definately go out and buy it, or one of his other books (Blue Like Jazz was my first, and remains my favorite). He is coming to speak at our school in a few weeks, so I plan on reading all of his books before he comes. Oh how I love his writing...

oh... and also of note:

I'VE POSTED A NEW BLOG. This one is for my music and will have some music-y blogs, bio information, and links to mp3s of my music, etc, etc... Please please please please check it out and then tell people about it. I am eternally indebted to all who check it out. Leave me feedback as well if you feel so compelled. Thanks guys. I'm so grateful for your help.
Here is the link (or you can just look on my profile)

http://laurahollingsworthmusic.blogspot.com

Have a great week!!!

Survey I stole from Nilo.

Thanks for the questions Nilo, very fun and educational! Given my obvious attraction for survey questions... I couldnt resist.
So..
One more survey!


1.Have you ever been searched by the cops?
um..no

2. Do you close your eyes on roller coasters?
never! It's far too exciting.

3. When was the last time you went sleigh riding?
hmm.. ya know I don't think i've ever been sleigh riding.

4. Would you rather sleep with someone else, or alone?
Well, i'm used to sleeping alone, but sleeping with someone else would definately not be a bad thing.

5. Do you believe in ghosts?
I'm not sure. Do I believe in the supernatural? yes.

6. Do you consider yourself creative?
yes.

7. Do you think O.J. killed his wife?
probably.

8. Jennifer Aniston or Angelina Jolie?
Jennifer Aniston, definately.

9. Can you honestly say you know anything about politics?
um... not enough I suppose.

10. Do you know how to play poker?
I think I know the general rules, but I am by no means good. I usually refuse to play. hehe.

11. Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?
yes, more than once. It sucks, but by the 43rd hour I started to do strange strange things... Most of you who know me well and/or have had a sleep-over with me (Wittwer, Jackie, no telling secrets), you know what i'm like on little sleep (high sugar helps too)...

12. Do you kill bugs that are in the house?
no, I scream loudly and dance around until someone else comes and either kills it or releases it into the wild... Immature? maybe. But I can't really help it.. hehe.

13. Have you ever cheated on a test?
Not that I can remember.

14. If you're driving in the middle of the night, and no one is around, do you go through red lights?
No. For some reason it still seems to matter...

15. Do you have a secret that no one knows but you?
Certainly. Actually, only me and maybe one other person.

16. Boston Red Sox or New York Yankees?
*shrugs*

17. Have you ever ice skated?
lol. well I did compete at the sport for most of my life.

18. How often do you remember your dreams?
I can normally remember at least one a week.

19. When was the last time you laughed so hard you were crying?
Probably winter break. Ah friends, how I miss you. =)

20. Can you name 5 songs by The Beatles?
I wanna hold your hand, Love me do, Yellow submarine, Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, and Hey Jude. (no, I didn't cheat)

21. Do you believe in love at first sight?
I didn't think I did, but it might explain some things... ;-)

22. Do you know who BaBa Booey is?
uh...no.

23. Do you always wear your seat belt?
always. i'm not stupid.

24. What talent do you wish you had?
hmmm.... I wish I could act wd ell.

25. Do you like Sushi?
some of it. hehe.

26. Have you ever narrowly avoided a fatal accident?
yes. Thank God for saving me...

27. What do you wear to bed?
pajamas... don't want to scare the hell out of my roommate.

28. Have you ever been caught stealing?
no, and I don't think i've stolen?

29. Does size matter?
what? uuh. no. tell you a secret guys; girls don't really want to think about that... or maybe i'm in the minority. nevermind... I have no idea.

30. Do you truly hate anyone?
not so far.

31. Rock and Roll or Rap?
rock all the way!

32. Do you have a relative in prison?
lol... not currently?

33. Have you ever sung in front of the mirror like your favorite singer?
duh.

34. Do you know how to play chess?
but of course.

35. What food do you find disgusting?
thai fish sauce. if you don't know what it is... you don't want to.

36. Did you ever play, "I'll show you mine, if you show me yours?"
wha..? I don't even want to know what that is implying...no?

37. Have you ever made fun of your friends behind their back?
no.

38. Have you ever stood up for someone you hardly knew?
yeah.

39. Have you ever been punched in the face?
Nope

40. When is the last time you threw up from drinking too much?
never.

41. Have you ever walked out on a movie at the theater?
yeah, I walked out on "the order" because my friend was scared.

42. Do you ever sit through a bad movie, just to see how bad it got?
hehe yes. If you want to see a truly bad movie, see "the faculty".

43. Would you consider yourself obsessed with anything/anyone?
yes of course. I am a stalker! hehe kidding.

44. Have you ever met someone famous?
i've met a lot of ice skaters, and a few famous people.

45. Have you ever been stood up?
hmm..I don't think so.


46. When's the last time you screamed at the top of your lungs?
probably a while ago.

47. Did you ever do something that you didn't want to, but did anyway just to fit in?
yeah of course. who hasn't?

Good day... *bows*

Hello!

Today has been deemed a great day. Why you might ask?
Well... let me tell you!

1. I didn't wear a coat to class. AND I got to wear sandals for the first time this year!!!!
2. Its a beautiful life.
3. Spring break is EXACTLY 1 week away!
4. Will's description of catching a chicken:
"It's imperative that you grab the thing by the softest and most delicious part..."
5. Will in general.
6. I found out today who my french ancestors are, and shall now tell you! They were French Hugonauts (sp?), A.K.A French Calvinists who fled persecution, and came to America. (I am a huge history nerd, and this stuff gets me going... bear with me). This means that, despite the fact that I'd never heard of the Christian Reformed Church and didn't know much about John Calvin before coming to this school, some of my ancestors were actually original followers of the school's name-sake.... Weird ay?
7. Ace of Base is playing on my stereo.
8. I got to dance today.
9. I plan to play the piano later tonight.
and
10. ONLY 1 MIDTERM LEFT!

So... as you can see, today is a most splendid day.

I had an assignment to turn in for my dance class today. It was truly life-changing. I discovered- through an expertly crafted mathematical point system- that I am "in good health". Its good to know that i'm bursting with nutrients... The assignment was a survey where you earned positive points for healthy eathing, and negative points for excess consumption, or eating junk food. As I read the descriptions of the different "health zones", I began to imagine a person representing each one. The lowest, and most unhealthy classification (-60 - 0 points) would be represented by an obese man in his mid 40s. He is overflowing the constrains of his armchair. One of his hands is extended towards the remote control, and clutched in the other is a box of twinkies, though we could substitute a can of lard and/or spam. These foods, I have decided, are in fact Satan; processed, enclosed in colorful packaging, and labled "edible". This, however, is only my opinion. Eat the crap if you so desire... Anyways, the middle categories aren't important as they rather accurately describe the body of the population. Envision, however, the overly-healthy person. There was actually a picture on this survey of a woman who I presume fit the category of "overly healthy" (or as we would say, "a most disgusting person"). The woman in the picture was a sort of freak combination of anorexic fitness model/hair-care commercial-girl. Her fitness points are probably off the chart; her body perfectly toned (but overly skinny), skin glowing with the aura of health. And, of course, her long hair and sparking eyes glowing as if she were a magical sea nymph plucked out of some ancient Greek myth.... Now I don't know if there are magical sea nymphs with glowing hair and eyes in Greek mythology.... but you get my point. If my "fittness points" were that high, I would immediately run out and buy a box of Satan twinkies, devour every one, and scold myself for being anal, abstemious, and vain....

But perhaps i'm over-reacting...
hehehe...

I love you all. Sorry I haven't written you in a while. I will work on that....

I have one other fact that I wish to made known: Men are much more straightforward than women.... that is all.
Oh, and also, if you know me pretty well, please go here and play this game. It'll take all of 2 minutes.

http://kevan.org/johari?name=LauraKat

thanks guys!
Peace.

whatever you say dear...

uh huh...
Originally uploaded by creativeoncommand.

heya kids,
I'm about to write a truly original, completely survey-free blog... I promise!

BUT...

While I am doing that... check out the new pictures in my photo album.

Will, I think you'll agree that this picture accurately portrays our relationship. hehehe...

=)

Men See You As Choosy

Men notice you light years before you notice them You take a selective approach to dating, and you can afford to be picky You aren't looking for a quick flirt - but a memorable encounter It may take men a while to ask you out, but it's worth the wait

How Do Men See You?

You Are a Classic Beauty!

You have a timeless beauty that looks great in every decade Instead following trends, you stick to what works And this means you never skimp on your beauty routine Upside? Your classic looks tends to attract gentlemen - not boys.

What Type of Beauty Are You?

Your Element is Water

Your power colors: blue and aqua Your energy: deep Your season: winter Like the ocean, you evoke deep feelings and passion. You have an emotional, sensitive, and spiritual soul. A bit mysterious, you tend to be quiet when you are working out a problem. You need your alone time, so that you can think and dream.

What Element Are You?

Game!

DIRECTIONS:
1. Go to your playlist.
2. Hit shuffle.
3. Choose the first fifteen songs - YOU CANNOT SKIP ONE. If it's embarrassing you just have to live with it.
4. With those fifteen songs you must post your favorite lyric from each of the songs.
5. See if anybody can guess what songs they are from. If they are guessed you can cross them out. Try to get rid of all of them.
Don't look them up! Honesty is the best policy!

1. Joy to the world, the Lord is come. Let earth recieve her king!

2. Jubilation, she loves me again. I fall on the floor and I'm laughing. Jubilation, she loves me again, I fall on the floor and I'm laughing.

3. I've tried so hard my dear to show that you're my every dream. Yet you're afraid each thing I do is just some evil scheme.

4. "You've got wits, you've got looks, you've got passion, but are you brave enough to leave with me tonight?"

5. Now I know you think I must be faking. I promised all these things right from the start, so don't you rush into decision making (rush, rush) 'cause I just wrote this song to tell you my heart; I wanna be with you.

6. Run a silent path to nowhere, everything is all. You could have a pleasant life if Summer had no Fall. Treat yourself so gently though the task is often hard. Man is not a God it seems, who holds the final card

7. ...And this week the trend was to borrow all the strength that you could lend to keep my head above the water and not descend back to where I said I'd never go again.

8. All my instincts, they return and the grand facade, so soon will burn without a noise, without my pride. I reach out from the inside. In your eyes. The light the heat. In your eyes. I am complete in your eyes.

9. Too late to come off shy now, you've already gone this far. So baby make your move, take charge, show me what you got for me.

10. I don't recall a single care, just greenery and humid air. Then labor day came and went, and we shed what was left of our summer skin.

11. My God my tourniquet, return to me salvation!

12. So now it's time to leave and make it alone. I know that I can't take no more, It ain't no lie :I wanna see you out that door. Baby, bye, bye, bye...

13. I know what you want. I wanna take you a midnight show tonight. If you can keep a secret: I got a blanket in the back seat on my mind, and a little place that sits beneath the sky...
and also:

14. (no one will know this one 'cause it's mine hehe.) The language was thick in the words of the vows that we never said. I gave my life to you though I knew that we both were dead.

15. I once knew a girl, in the years of my youth, with eyes like the summer; all beauty and truth. In the morning I fled, left a note and it read: "Someday you will be loved."


Any guesses?

Star

You're out there somewhere; a single star in the vast heavens.
Here I stand on the earth, so small and insignificant
my mind, limited by reason, searching for tangible answers
how far away? how brilliant? how real are you?
yet I have reached the boundaries of my understanding and have no answers.
I see you every night when the clouds have past and the moon is dim.
And still I do not trust my eyes.
Still, I do not trust your promises.
How can I accept what I cannot control?
You are beyond me- what I cannot trust.
what I cannot know.
what I cannot comprehend.
And so...
I stand on the earth, so small and insignificant
my mind, limited by reason, searching for tangible answers.
I have no answers.
Only brokenness that is un-done by an invisible, mysterious love.


Hey kids,

Sorry its been so long since i've actually posted something of substance. I'm one of the laziest people I know at times.. In fact, the only reason i'm writing this is because I was supposed to go to the art museum with friends to see a really cool exhibit, but I have a fever of 103 and i'm not sure i'd stay conscious... So! There is a positive side to this sickness, and that is that it gives me an excuse to blog!

How was everyone's Valentine's Day/Single's Awareness Day? I recieved a lot of gifts from people on this oh-so-commercial holiday. My mommie sent me an entire cake... Yes, a cake. Who knew that was possible? In any case, it was a nice surprise, and serves to show that mothers really may possess super powers.

From Will (and yes, he is home now!) I recieved an Omaha Steaks box and momentarily wondered if he had taken my comments about Calvin food service never serving red-meat to heart. Being the clever boy he is, the words "no, it isn't steak" were written across the top in bold letters. hehe. Will sent me a bunch of chocolate and a cd. On the cd, was a recording of him on trumpet playing "fever" which is the song that he asked me to dance to the first time we officially met. hehe. Oh what a wonderful day that was... At first I really thought the recording was a professional recording. Only after listening to it once through did I realize that he was the trumpet player.... I couldn't have asked for a more perfect gift. In 4 days we will have been dating for 6 months! hehe. This may have been the happiest 6 months of my life. =D. Alright alright, i'm done gushing. I don't want to make anyone hurl. hehe. Basically what i'm saying is "Valentines Day was good"...

In other news, i'm applying for an apprenticeship next semester. If I get the job i'll be a worship apprentice, meaning that i'll be on a team of 9 or 10 that plans campus chapel services and leads worship. At first I was reluctant to apply, but I feel like God may be calling me to this kind of work. One of the girls on my floor is one of the current apprentices and as I was filling out the application she walked in and asked me if i'd be interested in applying. hehe. Who knows, maybe its a sign. I'll just have to find out. I'll talk more about it if I am selected, but your prayers are much appreicated (for God to do with me what He wants, and to lead me in whatever direction that is).

I have to defeat this sickness by tomorrow night because I have tickets to the Sigur Ros concert!!! My heart will be shattered if I don't get to go to that concert 'cause they are an amazing group. If cherubim and seraphim sing at the throne of God then i'm sure they sound something like Sigur Ros. If you haven't heard of them, go buy their CD "Takk" and make sure you play it on the best stereo system available... with the lights off. If you don't have a good stereo, then you won't be able to appreciate the full sound. The group is from Iceland, and so none of their lyrics are in english.. which I think adds to the angelic quality of their music. They are the only group that I can sleep to.

Well, I love you all very much, and I promise to blog more often from now on... hopefully. hehe. In any case, take care!

God Bless,
Laura

[Marital Status]	un-married
[Shoe size]	5 1/2- 6 1/2
[Parents still together]	yes
[Siblings]	1 little sister
[Pets]	hmmm.. 1 dog, 3 cats, and a gaggle of guppies... hehe
FAVORITES
[Color]	blue & green
[Number]	um... maybe 22
[Animal]	wolves, tucans, cats... ?
[Drinks]	real fruit juice
[Soda]	Coke of course.
[Book]
DO YOU
[Color your hair?]	nope
[Have tattoos?]	no
[Have Piercings?]	my ears
[Cheat on tests/homework?]	nope
[Drink/Smoke?]	nope
[Like roller coasters?]	ooh heck yes!
[Wish you could live somewhere else?]	at times, yes.
[Want more piercings?]	mmm... not really, but who knows.
[Like cleaning?]	sometimes I do
[Write in cursive or print?]	print usually
[Own a web cam?]	nope
[Know how to drive?]	yes (though some may object)
[Own a cell phone?]	it owns me..
[Ever get off the damn computer?]	I do have a social life and real friends.. hehe.
HAVE U EVER
[Been in a fist fight?]	no... but wouldn't that be a great story.
[Considered a life of crime?]	... lol... not before I met William Anderson. ;-)
[Lied to someone?]	I'm sure I have
[Been in love?]	yes
[Made out with JUST a friend?]	uuuh.. no?
[Been in lust?]	probably
[Used someone]	no
[Been used?]	yes
[Been cheated on?]	I think so...
[Kicked someone in the nuts?]	lol.. no!
[Stolen anything?]	nope
[Held a gun]	does a video game gun count?
CURRENTS
[Current clothing]	khackis and a sweat shirt (I feel kinda terrible. I'm sick)
[Current mood]	dazed.. hehe
[Current taste]	taste? how 'bout chocolate. mmmmm chocolate
[What you currently smell like]	my shampoo
[Current hair]	down and straight. I love it when its soft and straight like this!
[Current thing I ought to be doing]	writing my paper
[Current cd in stereo]	Nickel Creek
[Last book you read]	for fun? Miracles by C.S. Lewis
[Last movie you saw]	Pretty in Pink
[Last thing you ate]	a can of low-fat chicken & rice soup. It was actually pretty good.
[Last person you talked to on the phone]	Tommy, about an hour ago.
[Do drugs?]	no
[Believe there is life on other planets?]	lol... perhaps
Remember your first love?]	yes
[Still love him/her?]	nah, that was grade school.
[Read the newspaper?]	not much while i'm in school
[Have any gay or lesbian friends?]	yes, several
[Believe in miracles?]	yes
[Do well in school?]	generally
[Wear hats]	when i'm cold, yes!
[Hate yourself?]	nah, I think i'm kinda alright. hehe.
[Have an obsession?]	mmmm... chocolate? a certain boy? what?
[Collect anything?]	not really.
[Have a best friend?]	yes! My lovely wife! haha.
[Close friends?]	but of course
[Like your handwriting?]	not always, though its much better than it used to be
[Care about looks]	i'd lie if I said not at all.
LOVE LIFE
[First crush]	hmmm... Jason Henderson in elementry school
[First kiss]	Ben when I was 16
[Do you believe in love at first sight?]	well... not exactly... though it could explain a few things. hehe.
[Do you believe in "the one?"]	i'd like to.
[Are you a tease?]	hahaha. um... no? I don't think so?
[Too shy to make the first move?]	the very first move? yes.
ARE U A
[Daydreamer]	oh yes..
[Bitch/Asshole]	um.... I hope not. hehe
[sarcastic]	never ever.
[Angel]	but of course! =P
[Devil]	hehehe. some might say yes.
[Shy]	at times
[Talkative]	once you get me going.
CREATE YOUR OWN! - or - GET PAID TO TAKE SURVEYS!