Love is in the air...

Why is it that when you look at pictures of people kissing, it looks like they have no lips and/or they are eating eachother's faces?
...
Its an important question i'd like answered. And why are there so many pictures of people I know kissing anyways? You almost can't escape them if you're on a photo site...
But then again I'm a hypocrite for saying this.

At least I have lips in my kissy picture.

=P

*sigh* I should go write a paper or something.
But now I suppose I have to show that picture.
Here ya go!




Now I am like EVERYONE ELSE! hehehe

2 Songs...

How i've felt for so many years....
She says it so well.


Momentum
Vienna Teng

Why am I walking barefoot
Upon this road with no one around
I close my eyes to this decision
The night's like coffee to my tongue
Like waking up without a sound
I map the words out
Maybe you will say them

Won't you help me rise up
Touch my face and watch me try to breathe again
Would you let me do this
Burn down the final wall

Overcome me, baby
Overcome me, baby
Overcome me, baby
Overcome me, yeah

All I'm asking is to be alive
For once

Always I am mistaken
I look for love, I find a stone
Of all the seasons, winter befriends me
I come to you in friendship
And hold my breath against the snow
What are you thinking as I gaze into you

Forgive me the confusion
Forgive me as I realize my thoughts betrayed
You are the answer
Cry and smile the same

Overcome me, baby
Overcome me, baby
Overcome me, baby
Overcome, yeah

All I'm asking is to be
All I'm asking is to be
Alive

Overcome me (overcome me baby), baby
Overcome me (overcome me baby), baby
Overcome me (overcome me baby), baby
(overcome me)

Overcome me (overcome me baby), baby
(overcome me)
Overcome
Overcome
Overcome
Overcome

All I'm asking is to be
Alive


"The Tower"
Vienna Teng

the one who survives by making the lives
of others worthwhile
she's coming apart
right before my eyes
the one who depends on the services she renders
to those who come knocking
she's seeing too clearly what she can't be
what understanding defies

she says I need not to need
or else a love with intuition
someone who reaches out to my weakness and won't let go
I need not to need
I've always been the tower
but now I feel like I'm the flower trying to bloom in snow

she turns out the light anticipating night falling
tenderly around her
and watches the dusk
the words won't come
she carries the act so convincingly the fact is
sometimes she believes it
that she can be happy the way things are
be happy with the things she's done

reach out
but hold back
where is safety
reach out
and hold back
where is the one who can change me
where is the one
the one
the one

reach out
but hold back
where is safety
reach out
and hold back
where is the one who can save me
where is the one
the one
the one

myspace ♥ survey
BASiC iNF0
name:	Laura (its pronounced Lara, not Lora. Now you know =P)
nicknames:	Kat, my last name, Big H, Lo-lye (my name in Cantonese)
age:	20.84
birthday:	12.24.85
location:	Michigan & Nebraska
school/grade:	15th
backgrounds:	french, german, english, scotish, native american, etc...
siblings:	1 sister
straight/bi/gay:	straight
job:	student
APPEARANCE
hair color:	uuuuh... lightish....
eye color:	blue & green in the middle
height:	5'1"
ethnicity:	I already told you
label:	don't label me... =P
look like a celeb:	Will's mom said I look like Jennifer Love-Heiwitt... but I don't really see it.
dye your hair:	nope
have bangs:	Well I did, until my friends staged an intervention
have braces:	long time ago
wear glasses:	long time ago
wear contacts:	no
piercings:	only my ears
tattoos:	not currently....
favorites
color:	blue and green
movie:	urrrr...... thats hard
tv show:	ditto...
animal:	Wolves and Tucans... and those little rainforest tree frogs =)
food:	Chocolate!
drink:	pure fruit juice
alcoholic drink:	I dunno
car:	mine...
day of the week:	Friday!
season:	Summer
song:	Again, tough question
sport:	Figure Skating!! duh.
radio station:	I don't listen much... *blushes*
resturant:	mmmm... Marie Catrib's
teacher:	so far I like almost all of them
class:	World Religions and Theology 353
holiday:	Christmas and Thanksgiving
quote:	"There is no charm equal to tenderness of heart" -Jane Austen
book:	A lot... The Accidental Tourist, Great Gatsby, Blue Like Jazz... I'm really not sure
magazine:	Paste
flower:	Roses and Violets
memory:	That night Will and I walked around Lake Zorinsky 2 summers ago.
tv channel:	TLC & the History Chanel
LAST
person you hugged:	Cynthia
person you kissed:	Will
thing you said:	"oh hi!... I thought you were Cynthia"
thing you ate:	Choclate covered apples with my suite
imed:	I haven't been on in awhile....
texted:	?
you called:	Will
called you:	Will
person you saw:	Karen
you have a long convo with:	Will
FRiENDS
prettiest:	Wittwer, Jackie and Kenzie =D
stupidest:	thats not nice!
smartest:	Will
best house:	...
best car:	...
best parents:	out of my friends? Will's
loudest:	Angela when she's on the phone.
funniest:	Wittwer
craziest:	Shannon
most shy:	me or Julie?
always has a boyfriend/girlfriend:	um... I'm not sure.
always has parties:	define "parties"
best girl friend:	Wittwer
best guy friend:	Will
known the longest:	mmm.... Nicole, then Wittwer and Jackie
known the shortest:	Grace
look up to the most:	look up? I don't know what that means...
opinionated:	TJ
athletic:	Devon
most likely to pass out drunk:	?
to go streaking:	Cynthia
become a cop:	Shannon
become famous:	Will
kill someone:	Cynthia. she would also take and disect their liver
try to take over the world:	hmmm... probably Will and I combined
THiS 0R THAT
summer or winter:	both
dog or cat:	cat
pepsi or coke:	COKE!
cellphone or ipod:	Cell phone
ocean or pool:	ocean
black or white:	black
chocolate or vanilla:	chocolate
flowers or candy:	flowers
rock or rap:	rock
tv or movie:	movie
aim or myspace:	aim
stars or hearts:	hearts
bracelet or necklace:	necklace
gold or silver:	silver
brunette or blonde:	blonde
kisses or hugs:	kisses
pen or pencil:	pen
lb or oc:	lb
iN THE PAST MONTH
drank:	nope
smoked:	no
failed a test:	no
had sex:	nay, would that I had. haha
been home alone:	yep
stayed home from school:	hehehehe.. I mean.. no, of course not.
been to the mall:	yes
bought a book:	yes
been to a show/concert:	yes
yelled at someone:	no
got into a fight/argument:	no
cried to a friend:	yes
told the truth:	I hope so
told a lie:	probably
been out of state:	I live out of state
iN Y0UR R00M
tv:	define "my room". technically they're all my rooms.... so yes.
your own phone:	yes
your own phone line:	yes
vcr:	yes
dvd player:	yes
radio:	yes
computer:	yes
posters:	yes
of what?:	Monet, french posters, more art posters & postcards, and a Vienna Teng poster
pictures:	yes
of who?:	only the cool kids...
RELATi0NSHiPS
taken or single:	taken
got a crush:	well... its hard to say really.... hmmm.... yeah, I'd say so.. hehe.
name pleaseee:	William C. Anderson
how far have you gone:	hehe. this is just like playing truth in middle school. Far enough
how far do you want to go:	well duh...
last person you said i love you to:	Will
C0UNTD0WN
10 PE0PLE WH0 MEAN A L0T T0 Y0U
1:::	Mom
2:::	Dad
3:::	Anna
4:::	Will
5:::	Wittwer
6:::	Jackie
7:::	Angela
8:::	Julie
9:::	Grace
10:::	Cynthia
9 THiNGS Y0U L0VE
1:::	Will.
2:::	The Sims!
3:::	talking with my mom
4:::	cooking
5:::	roadtrips
6:::	singing
7:::	religion & philosophy
8:::	getting to know people (in the real world)
9:::	my fishies and my cats and dog
8 THiNGS Y0U HATE
1:::	stubborn ignorance
2:::	yelling
3:::	violence
4:::	arrogance
5:::	confrontation
6:::	manipulation
7:::	shopping for jeans
8:::	due dates...
7 THiNGS Y0U CAN'T LIVE WiTH0UT
1:::	my friends and family
2:::	God
3:::	academic learning
4:::	Will
5:::	music
6:::	my Mac
7:::	good food
6 THiNGS Y0U'RE WEARiNG RiGHT N0W
1:::	blue turtle-neck
2:::	jeans
3:::	socks
4:::	underwear
5:::	a ring
6:::	a hair-band
5 THiNGS Y0U'D RATHER BE D0iNG
1:::	playing piano
2:::	taking to Will
3:::	going to a show
4:::	traveling the world
5:::	writing the great american novel...
4 0F Y0UR FAV0RiTE ST0RES
1:::	Ann Taylor Loft
2:::	Whole Foods (sad I know, but I miss it *tear*)
3:::	TJ Mack's
4:::	Tuesday Morning
3 THiNGS Y0U'D TAKE T0 A DESSERTED iSLAND
1:::	Will
2:::	a towel (obviously)
3:::	medicine
2 0F Y0UR FAV0RiTE THiNGS
1:::	good food
2:::	good friends
1 PERS0N Y0U MiSS RiGHT N0W
1:::	Will
DiD Y0U...
like the survey:	meh it was alright
wish it were over 5 minutes ago:	yeah...
lie about anything:	nope
Take this survey | Find more surveys Bzoink - The Original Survey Site

It has to be worked out...

I look back at my life over the past few years, and I see that I am still naive in so many ways. I guess thats the important lesson about head knowledge and the heart--In order to fully understand something you have to free your heart from it.

But I thought I understood. I thought I knew exactly what not to do and think. Where did I go wrong?

I guess I just couldn't prepare myself for something so real that I couldn't possibly understand how it would affect me until I had it.

So now I learn what I forgot--What to do if all the perfect little plans I had for the future turn out to be a little too perfect. And, how to repair, re-evaluate, and grow into a more complete understanding.

But how...and why? Why couldn't it have been anything else?

Life is hard sometimes. Why couldn't I have learned it all in advance? I tried so hard...

I just say all this because i'm frustrated with myself.

~ ~ ~

I never considered the fact that I myself might in some way not be enough. That sounds a little arrogant... and that's probably accurate. I suppose thats the ego i've developed over the years. It comes from my past and the brokenness that characterized it.

If I were psycho-analyzed, i'm sure a councelor would tell me that my desire to be encouraging, serving, and loyal was there to begin with, but was abused by childhood family experiences, and that my future-planning is my security net of stability. Yeah, it makes sense even if I don't want it to.

What I want is to love people; specifically, to devote my energy to one person, and to be loved in return. What I assumed was that this would be a life-long process.

I realize now that this assumption is a contradiction to what my first desire is--to be selflessly devoted to one person, or, to truly love someone.

Both a councelor and my pride would tell me that it was selfish of my family to use me as a support during that troubling time.
But now that I think about it, I realize that they're wrong.

If my calling in life is to demonstrate love to people, then any selfish expectations that I place on them are only selfish, and have no place in my heart.

That helps a bit.

Its terrifying and painful to consider the fact that I may have to relinquish some of my desires in order to satisfy higher ones.

It is still my hope that my place will someday be... with another person. But I've got to stop thinking that way.

God give me strength to live up to these lofty ideals.

Keep on Keepin' on...

Upon further consideration of my last post, I'd like to clarify something:
I don't really understand anything yet.
The world is simple and complicated, and I'm not convinced that any of it can be understood in a completely 'True' way.

The latest dilemma I've come across is a question of faith and conflicting worldviews.

If you are a theist, and you believe that the world is an open system that is acted upon by an outside force, then it is perfectly consistent to believe in a God who drives (or perhaps I'd rather say 'influences' and sustains) cause and effect in the world. It is perfectly consistent to attribute spirituality and seemingly impossible physical events to God.

However, If you are a naturalist, and you believe the physical world to be a closed system, then any experience that may seem unexplainable or spiritual in nature can always be explained by natural processes (if not now then in the future).

Therefore, the question ultimately becomes 'what worldview/set of assumptions seems more correct?' Where do you place your faith? For now I'll leave this question open-ended, as I really don't have a clear answer straightened out.

~ ~ ~

Do we need religion to answer the "why?" question of life? That is the first question I need answered. I lay awake last night 'till around 3 thinking about the answer to that question.

Truthfully, I think the answer is 'no'. Generally speaking, I think (and correct me if I'm wrong) that religion does not give us a reason for our existence, or an explanation of why man exists. Or, at least, that is not its purpose. True religion does not serve us/our desires, it serves that which is beyond us. What it gives us is joy in the recognition of Beauty in the world.

I say this because there is no real explanation for why Beauty (capital B) exists. It exists for its own sake.

What is it that gives us "meaning" in our life? And what is "meaning" altogether?

I think thats all for now, but i'll be sure to keep on writing, and thinking about these things. Your suggestions & support are greatly appreciated. Please pray for me and my developing understanding.

There is no bridge over troubled waters...

You are about to read (in rather scattered form) my newly realized worldview

A lot has been happening, and I suppose thats why I've neglected this page for so long. Busy-ness is a common excuse these days, and i'm sure you all understand how crazy times can be. But activity isn't the predominant thing that has been troubling me lately.

The main reason I haven't been writing is because I haven't been able to think clearly.

Something strange happens to you when you start to seriously question the fundamental beliefs that support your thoughts and actions- Your distracted brain stops putting things together correctly. Never, and I mean Never, did I ever imagine that I would come to a point where I could rationalize my faith in Christ. It turns out I was very very wrong. I can rationalize it, and I did for a time. That time, or rather the climax of that time, was right before I came back to school this year. Try to imagine what its like to feel lost and confused in your spiritual life and then to have to go take classes in it... and be GRADED... I was pretty discouraged, to put it lightly.

But its curious how strong faith is for those who have tasted it. No matter how confused and disheartened I got, I couldn't bring myself to deny my own past experience. I've seen God work powerfully and intentionally in my life, and in others' lives. There is no way that those experiences could have been driven by a naive hope in something that exists only in the mind, or in the minds of others. I really felt for a time that if God really was there, than he was gone, or removed, or even powerless- that we were naming Him after senimental feelings of love, or using Him as a crutch when we we couldn't find hope. Nearly all religious practice can be explained by the anecdotes of Freud, Marx, and Nietzsche, or in the writings of men like Joseph Campbell. It's true, and everyone should consider this.

This was where I was stuck for a long time- What if i'm making up my own spirituality? Do I believe what I believe only becuase i'm told to? What if I were born into another religion, or, what if I'd been born without a religion? Would I really still believe that Jesus Christ is the Savior of the world?

I didn't feel like it was possible to budge from these questions- like I was going to have to satisfy myself with logical, strictly physical answers or I would never have resolution. It seemed like Christians who had experienced spirituality never really considered/struggled with these questions, and people who had did not understand my experiences with faith and spirituality. I alternated between feeling stupid for continuing to believe in a God that I could explain away through logic, and ridiculous for giving simple answers to complex events I knew I couldn't explain away.

That was the trouble- If I gave in to a naturalistic worldview, I would be denying the presence of a spiritual power acting in the the physical world. If I did that, then there was no problem in saying that God does not exist. Furthermore, I could write off everyone else who was a "spritiual person" as illogical and uncritical of the evidence and of the power of symbol in the human mind. If I ignored myself and focused on every other Christian I knew, I could deny the existance of God. However, I have seen an unexplained power working in my life, and the only logical, all-encompasing name that I can give it is "God".

It took me quite sometime to straighten that difference out.

The question about the existance of God eventually comes down to this: "Is there, or is there not a supernatural power working in this world?"
And, if your answer is immediately "no", then you must ask yourself whether or not you think people like me are lying or are misled, and why. And, if the answer could even possibly be "no", then you must ask yourself whether or not you think it is possible that you yourself have missed something.

All of this I've considered, and concluded that I am not crazy or illogical or misled. I cannot deny what I know to be true in myself and in every other culture of the world- There is an outside force acting in this world we live in, and it is personal and specific in its interaction with humanity.

And now... I am a universalist...

HA! just kidding.

I am a follower of Christ. And next time, I will tell you why...

Delicioso... ;-)

"Sargina... dance the rumba!"

Now, some film expert tell me what movie that quote is from (besides Will. I know you know) and you will earn an A+ in my "the best films need to be appreciated class". I will give you one big hint: its an older italian film.

So my first final is finnished, and it was relatively painless. Not to mention the fact that I got an A+ on my statistics research!! That will help my GPA a lot... Now to burn my notes on statistics so I will never be tempted to return to mathematics again.

Julie and I went to Johnny's today to study (johnny's is a coffee shop on campus) and she told me stories of how she worked back stage for bands like 5 iron frenzy, jars of clay, and relient k one summer. She and I are both relatively calm, intellectual girls, however, when it comes to bands/authors/other generally awesome famous people we turn into the sort of teeny-bopper stalkers that you see at boyband concerts. We are those girls who steal the band's sweaty towels after the show, put them in air-tight bags, and sell them on ebay for thousands of dollars.... So yah, we had some good stories.

my last freak-out incident occurred when the author Don Miller spoke at our school. It took me about an hour standing in line to calm down and think of what I was going to say when I finally met him (he signed 2 of my books). I did eventually stop bouncing (I didn't want to look like an idiot in front of one of my favority authors!) and wringing my hands. Finally, when I got to the front of the line, I was ready to say the profound words of thanks that were to leave my face permanently imprinted in Don's mind... but all I could do was grin like an idiot and stumble over my words. He kind of looked up at me and smiled. "who do you want me to make this out to?" he asked. "well... (duuuh i'm an idiot)...um.. me?". So much for leaving a striking image in his mind. Maybe i'll show up in one of his books as the cute but rather simple girl who couldn't put her words together when meeting Donald Miller... *sigh* oh well. I should have asked him to sign my stomach or something.... hehe kidding.

Well kids i'm going to go take advantage of the fact that the practice rooms at the Fine Arts Center are open. Its time to be creative! Good luck with finals those of you who are still in school!

Peace.