Slipping Away

Sometimes
I want to slip away
Beneath the cracks of the earth
Where no one can find me.
Where I can peacefully rest
Surrounded by the warm earth
Looking up at the world.

I want to fast foreward
To happier days
Where the sun shines
And the days aren't so cold and lonely
I want to be held closely
In a loved one's arms
To be motivated to succeed
And to have the wisdom and knowledge
That I so desperately desire.

Will I learn this time?
Am I hopelessly doomed to failure
By my tragic flaws?
Will I ever live up to
The potential
That I know God has given me?

I don't know.
But I do know
That this cycle must be
Short lived.
Or else I will eventually
Slip away
Into the cracks of the earth
And be forgotten.

well now I know what it feels like to be completely alone with your thoughts, and no one's around to talk to. I had a paper due today, but I seriously can't write anything. It's like i'm having writer's block, only to an extreme that I've never had it before. I need a distraction real fast or i'm gonna have to break something...

I am not usually the kind of person who can't think clearly in a bad situation... Alright, so i've been through some pretty dumb crap in my short time, but it takes a lot to get me this worked up... aaaaaarrrrgghhh... I hate feeling helpless.. and worse, I hate feeling guilty... and EVEN worse, I hate knowing that my own actions have caused people (ESPECIALLY the people I love the most) a lot of pain... I'm not depressed, I don't usually get depressed... But I do get extreme anxiety, and i'm kinda afraid i'm gonna work myself into an anxiety attack... Don't worry though. Seriously, there are plenty of people here, so i'm not gonna die or anything.

I have some serious issues that need to be worked out in my life. First on the list is "Dont you ever lie again to the people you love, even if you think you have good intentions. You are wrong!" I do actually repremand myself in my mind... i'm a little odd... Secondly, I need to figure out what the heck i'm so confused about... Even though I think I have a better idea, I still don't think I could verbalize what I think my problem is.... *makes frustrated noise and shifts in chair* I hate this... I hate it I hate it I hate it. I miss him, I need God, I can't control my thoughts, I can't concentrate, I feel guilty, I feel broken, I need to focus, I need to trust God, I need some kind of distraction, I need love, I want a hug, I need to let this go and give it up, but I can't. I am helpless...

At least I know that I don't know how I feel...

Hey look! My blog is turning into another excuse for another American to whine about her life...

Note to self: Stop whining and do something productive!!
Self: I'm trying darn it!!
I think i'm schitzophrenic or something.

Ok, time to break something. talk to you kids later.

Love you and God Bless