For some time now, I've been writing letters grounded on two key principles:
by preventing people from seeing that the real problem is the complexity of a changing national and world economy, Microsoft's secret agents can take away our sense of community and leave us morally adrift, and
Microsoft's remarks have grown into the world's greatest enslavers of human minds.
In the rest of this letter, I will use history and science (in the Hegelian sense) to prove that it is not too far-fetched to claim that Microsoft's expedients are now a staple of its followers ' analects. Microsoft's henchmen perpetrate all kinds of atrocities while alleging that they are simply not capable of such activities and that therefore, the atrocities must be the product of my and your feverish and overworked imaginations. Microsoft never stops boasting about its generous contributions to charitable causes. As far as I can tell, however, its claimed magnanimousness is utterly chimerical and, furthermore, deplorable, hideous prima donnas often take earthworms or similar small animals and impale them on a pin to enjoy watching them twist and writhe as they slowly die. Similarly, Microsoft enjoys watching respectable people twist and writhe whenever it threatens to do the entire country a grave disservice. When I say that Microsoft's pranks are propaganda to the point of comedy and are so easily refuted as to render them useless even as such, I don't just mean that it wants to talk about you and me in terms which are not fit to be repeated, that it wants to combine, in a rare mixture, bestial cruelty and an inconceivable gift for lying, or that it wants to cause one-sided proposed social programs to be entered into historical fact. Sure, Microsoft truly wants all that, but it also wants much more. It wants to reduce us to acute penury. When I first heard about Microsoft's holier-than-thou attitudes, I didn't know whether to laugh, because Microsoft's jokes are so treasonous, or cry, because Microsoft refers to a variety of things using the word "pathologicopsychological". Translating this bit of jargon into English isn't easy. Basically, it's saying that it has the linguistic prowess to produce a masterwork of meritorious literature. At any rate, if it is allowed to construct the spectre of a terrible armed threat, the implications can be widespread. That's the sort of statement that some people insist is detestable, but which I believe is merely a statement of fact. And it's a statement that needs to be made, because it wants to make empty promises. Personally, I don't want that. Personally, I prefer freedom. If you also prefer freedom, then you should be working with me to embark on a new path towards change.
I would unmistakably like to comment on Microsoft's attempt to associate heathenism with feudalism. There is no association. I surely don't know what Microsoft's problem is, but talking about Microsoft in the highly charged vortex of masochism is always burdened with agitation and diversion. Of that I am certain, because Microsoft's hirelings believe that if Microsoft kicks us in the teeth, we'll then lick its toes and beg for another kick. It should not be surprising that they believe this, however. As we all know, minds that have been so maimed that they believe that all any child needs is a big dose of television every day can believe anything, especially if it's false. Microsoft had promised us liberty, equality, and fraternity. Instead, it gave us authoritarianism, classism, and fetishism. I suppose we should have seen that coming, especially since some people think I'm exaggerating when I say that Microsoft's arguments don't even prove its point. But I'm not exaggerating; if anything, I'm understating the situation.
I should add parenthetically that Microsoft will do everything in its power to appropriate sacred symbols for simple-minded purposes. No wonder corruption is endemic to our society; I recently received some mail in which the writer stated, "Once Microsoft accepts responsibility for the problems it's caused, the focus shifts from who is responsible to what each of us can do about it." I included that quote not because it is exceptional in any way, but rather, because it is typical of much of the mail I receive. I included it to show you that I'm not the only one who thinks that this is not wild speculation. This is not a conspiracy theory. This is documented fact. Microsoft says that the health effects of secondhand smoke are negligible. Wow! Isn't that like hiding the stolen goods in the closet and, when the cops come in, standing in front of the closet door and exclaiming, "They're not in here!"?
Microsoft's accusations cannot stand on their own merit. That's why they're dependent on elaborate artifices and explanatory stories to convince us that everyone who doesn't share Microsoft's beliefs is a rotten, ornery infidel deserving of death and damnation. On that note, let me say that if Microsoft were paying attention -- which it would seem it is not, as I've already gone over this -- it'd see that it thinks it would be a great idea to convert houses of worhip into houses of barbarism. Even if we overlook the logistical impossibilities of such an idea, the underlying premise is still flawed. In other words, after enduring a barrage of Microsoft's amateurish jibes, one normally experiences intense levels of stress, difficulty sleeping, and anxiety about one's physical safety as well as one's career. That concept can be extended, mutatis mutandis, to the way that its loyalists internalize and adapt to the unwritten realities they must work under. If you doubt this, just ask around. I can reword my point as follows. Microsoft labels everything that conflicts with its way of thinking as juvenile, birdbrained propaganda.
In order to strike at the heart of Microsoft's efforts to pit the haves against the have-nots, we must address the legitimate anger, fear, and alienation of people who have been mobilized by Microsoft because they saw no other options for change. And that's just the first step. Remember, it says it's going to sue people at random in the coming days. Good old Microsoft. It just loves to open its mouth and let all kinds of things come out without listening to how recalcitrant they sound. Even if one isn't completely conversant with current events, the evidence overwhelmingly indicates that the whole thrust of Microsoft's treatises bothers me. So don't feed me any phony baloney about how character development is not a matter of "strength through adversity" but rather, "entitlement through victimization". That's just not true. As something that enjoys brandishing words like "ultrastandardization" and "physicophilosophical" as a smoke screen to hide its deeds' inherent paradoxes, Microsoft must undoubtedly be at a loss when someone presents a logical counterargument to its vitriolic opinions.
We must exemplify the principles of honor, duty, loyalty, and courage. Only then can a society free of its iconoclastic platitudes blossom forth from the roots of the past. And only then will people come to understand that it hates it when you say that it neglects the impact that selfishness has on the soul. It really hates it when you say that. Try saying that to it sometime, if you have a thick skin and don't mind having it shriek insults at you. Everywhere it's gone, Microsoft has tried to start wars, ruin the environment, invent diseases, and routinely do a hundred other things that kill people. It can happen here, too. A recent series of hearings, lawsuits, and media reports demonstrates that everything Microsoft tells you is a lie. Sad, but true. And it'll only get worse if Microsoft finds a way to keep us perennially behind the eight ball.
If I had my druthers, Microsoft would never have had the opportunity to toy with our opinions. As it stands, I'm sure Microsoft wouldn't want me to eavesdrop on its secret meetings. So why does it want to replace the search for truth with a situationist relativism based on treacherous recidivism? Well, while you're deliberating over that, let me ask you another question: How long shall there continue impudent pompous-types to vend and annoying scroungers to gulp so low a piece of defeatism as its agendas? Now, not to bombard you with too many questions, but one can consecrate one's life to the service of a noble idea or a glorious ideology. Microsoft, however, is more likely to abridge our basic civil liberties. Microsoft refuses to do anything for itself. That's the theory, at least. But in practice, Microsoft is always prating about how a book of its writings would be a good addition to the Bible. (It used to say that the most politically incorrect slobs I've ever seen make the best scout leaders and schoolteachers, but the evidence is too contrary, so it's given up on that score.)
Before Microsoft spews any more psychoanalytical drivel, let me assure it that its secret passion is to scar little children's self-image. For shame! I have two words for Microsoft: Grow up! Microsoft has a staggering number of blasphemous functionaries. One way to lower their numbers, if not eradicate them entirely, is simple. We just inform them that Microsoft can't fool me. I've met officious toughies before, so I know that I do not have the time, in one sitting, to go into the long answer as to why Microsoft should shift for itself. But the short answer is that the acid test for its "kinder, gentler" new perceptions should be, "Do they still acquire power and use it to indoctrinate salacious litterbugs?" If the answer is yes, then we can conclude that I can no longer get very excited about any revelation of Microsoft's hypocrisy or crookedness. It's what I've come to expect by now.
Microsoft is willing to promote truth and justice when it's convenient. But when it threatens its creature comforts, Microsoft throws principle to the wind. As long as the beer keeps flowing and the paychecks keep coming, Microsoft's lapdogs don't really care that it is a faithful student of Sun Tzu, the ancient Chinese strategist who advocated demoralizing one's enemy as the highest art of warfare. Of course, this sounds simple, but in reality, the real issue is simple: What I really want from Microsoft is an apology. What that means, simply put, is that Microsoft maintains that 75 million years ago, a galactic tyrant named Xenu solved the overpopulation problem of his 76-planet federation by transporting the excess people to Earth, chaining them to volcanoes, and dropping H-bombs on them. Perhaps it would be best for it to awaken from its delusional narcoleptic fantasyland and observe that its deputies argue that it answers to no one. These are the same pugnacious mystics who meddle in everyone else's affairs. This is no coincidence; I wonder if Microsoft really believes the things it says. It knows they're not true, doesn't it? This isn't such an easy question to answer, but let me take a stab at it: Microsoft's campaigns promote a redistribution of wealth. This is always an appealing proposition for Microsoft's associates because much of the redistributed wealth will undoubtedly end up in the hands of the redistributors as a condign reward for their loyalty to Microsoft. Taking that notion one step further, we can see that to say that the federal government should take more and more of our hard-earned money and more and more of our hard-won rights is stingy nonsense and untrue to boot. People who are attacked by the most impertinent boeotians I've ever seen basically have three options. They can ignore the attacks, engage the attackers in a debate, or apply some sanction which will put an end to the attack.
To simplify, unlike Microsoft, when I make a mistake I'm willing to admit it. Consequently, if -- and I'm bending over backwards to maintain the illusion of "innocent until proven guilty" -- it were not actually responsible for trying to make bribery legal and part of business as usual, then I'd stop saying that time cannot change Microsoft's behavior. Time merely enlarges the field in which Microsoft can, with ever-increasing intensity and thoroughness, threaten the common good. Besides being completely offensive and abusive, Microsoft's methods of interpretation are seriously defamatory. But it goes further than that; this is not the place to develop that subject. It demands many pages of analysis, which I can't spare in this letter. Instead, I'll just state the key point, which is that Microsoft's principles appeal to people who are fearful about the world's political and economic situation and long for simple solutions to complex problems. That shouldn't surprise you when you consider that I am not fooled by its feeble-minded and eristic rhetoric. I therefore gladly accept the responsibility of notifying others that it is more than a purely historical question to ask, "How did Microsoft's reign of terror start?" or even the more urgent question, "How might it end?". No, we must ask, "What happened to Microsoft's common sense?" It is only when one has an answer to that question is it possible to make sense of Microsoft's antics, because I'll tell you what we need to do about all the craziness Microsoft is mongering. We need to provide an atmosphere of mutual respect, free from Bonapartism, ageism, and all other forms of prejudice and intolerance. It may be coincidence that Microsoft's ideologies demonstrate an outright hostility to law enforcement. It may be coincidence that they seize control over where we eat, sleep, socialize, and associate with others. And it may be coincidence that they have a serious destabilizing effect on our institutions. But that's a lot of coincidence! To the best of my knowledge, Microsoft wants to prepare the ground for an ever-more vicious and brutal campaign of terror. It gets better: It actually believes that it has the mandate of Heaven to denigrate and discard all of Western culture. I guess no one's ever told it that if Fate desired that it make a correct application of what it had read about alarmism, it would have to indicate title and page number, since the frowzy organization would otherwise never in all its existence find the correct place. But since Fate does not do this, it periodically puts up a facade of reform. However, underneath the pretty surface, it's always business as usual. I close this letter along the same lines it opened on: Microsoft's purpose is not to enlighten, but to deceive.
=D
*evil snickering*
If there is something or someone you would like to complain about go to this website: http://www.pakin.org/complaint and a similar letter will be graciously written for you. Happy whining!
