This was a dream I had the other night...

Writing in the Sand

The air was warm, and the breeze was soft. It gently lifted wisps of hair from her face. Cool waves lapped gently at her ankles, and the sound and smell of ocean engulfed her. She opened her eyes. Ocean and sky panned out in front of her, melting together to form a vast canvas painted in every shade of blue, orange, red, and pink. Silently she stared, marveling at it's majesty and grandeur. It was all so familiar.
She turned at the sound of excited voices behind her. Two figures were running along the beach; a boy and a girl. The boy was knee deep in the water beckoning to the girl to come join him. She was backing away and giggling. "No no no!" They were a cute couple, very obviously in love. He joined her now, gently putting his arm around her shoulders. They stood looking into the sunset, lost in it's beauty, and in each other. It was a beautiful picture, so perfect and untouched; a moment frozen in time.
She stood and stared, feeling nothing but the water numbing her feet. It was getting dark. The couple walked along the beach hand in hand, oblivious to her presence. They headed back towards home and a comfortable evening in doors. Her feet sank into the cold sand as she walked, a single set of footprints. She retraced their footprints in the sand, studying them intently. They weaved back and forth, and in between one another. Sometimes they separated or disappeared into the serf, but they always rejoined and continued on along the beach.
Tears were falling from her eyes now, hot and heavy. Stubbornly she wiped them away and trudged on. Suddenly, the footprints stopped. A sandy fortress lay before her, intricate, but crumbling. Not far away, two names were carved in the sand, encircled by a heart. She covered her face with her hands, but she couldn't stop it. On her knees she sobbed uncontrollably. That was her name, HER name written there in the sand. She shivered, suddenly feeling hopelessly alone and broken. A big wave rolled past her, erasing the names. They had known the writing wouldn't survive the night. It was only writing in the sand. The moon shone brightly in the clear night sky, illuminating the young girl's face. Her usually bright eyes were dim and filled with pain. She lay staring at the smooth sand where her name was once delicately written. She was on her own now. She curled into a ball and closed her eyes. She was alone.

Last internet conversation:

"Me: I have a gremlin too!
only it's an actual creature....

Joel: your cat?

Me: yep
it lurks
in the dark places

*looks around

and sometimes
when no one is looking....
it takes
MY SQUISHY
it wants to destroy him
full of jealousy
but I keep him safe

Joel: are you alright there laura?

Me: oh hi... sorry

Joel: hehe

Me: i feel dramatic..
and slightly.... 5 ish
....
odd combination

I want crayons.......
and sex...
lol
done talking now

Joel: crayons and sex? Sounds like fun to me"

hmmmmm... those glow-in-the-dark crayons might be pretty fun to play with.... anyways... since my last entry was "depressing", here's something happier that I wrote the other day (this one's a song):

Sunshine

Gotta wake up
Gotta wake up the sunshine
it's time that we filled this
cup called life with joy

Pick yourself up
Wipe all those tears away
Let me show you it's all
ok, i'm here for you.

Well, I love y'all and I hope that your friday is awesome! My parents are out of town... hehehe... so.... stop on by whenever this weekend!

Peace and God Bless!

Here is the poem i've written today.. I was driving myself nutts reading it and analyzing it.... Damn AP English.. It's destroying my creativity... and my soul..... *shakes fist


The Silent Dove

The silent dove
Flies through the night
She’s somber
For she fears her plight
She gazes at the stars above
And whispers to the moon

He gives her strength
And silv'ry light
As wings beat swifty
Into the night

And as she speeds
On snow-white wings
The moon he listens
As she sings:

Alas my love
Is gone.

Oh hide me in
This darkest hour
Let not my weakness
Have the power

The stars in constant
Heaven shine
But not my faith
In love divine

You mock me
With your heavenly light
For I believed
With all my might

My love would never
Take to flight
And leave me
Bleak and cold

Yet here I fly
In darkness shroud
For I was bold
Blinded
And proud

Do not your light
Upon me shine
'Tis you who stole
What once was
Mine.

I shall believe no more.

The moon was dimmer
Now, and faint
As storm clouds
Rumbled in

And as his light
Did slowly fade
She saw a tear descend

The storm did rage
And roar with strength
The dove could not
Withstand

And as she fell
She still refused
The offer of
His hand.

The ancient moon
So old and wise
Was paralyzed
From grief

He loved her
More than anything
Her mind could
Ever conceive.

Yet it was she
Who chose the storm:
Destruction her new boss

Thus was cost
Of stubbornness:
The silent Dove
Was lost

She looked slowly around the room. It's familiarity was comforting to her; the worn blue sofa with it's elaborate cushions, the delicate black cat curled into a ball on the back of a chair, the worn paperbacks scattered thoughtlessly around the room. They all seemed to fit perfectly into place. She closed her eyes and slid further back into the blue leather armchair. The clock began chiming... once.... twice.... two o'clock... Her eyes opened a little. Why couldn't she sleep? The cat's eyes blinked open. It yawned, stretched, and in an instant was sound asleep again. Catherine frowned and again tried to force the idea of sleep on her troubled mind. "Relax, relax..", she repeated. And for a moment, she felt a wave of relaxation engulf her.

They were standing in the middle of a large shopping mall, possibly the largest she had ever seen. Catherine glanced at her mother. "What exactly are we shopping for again?" Elinor was not usually this active, and Catherine could tell that her mother was in a hurry to get this over with. She threw her daughter a frustrated look. "Come on dear, we haven't much time!", she said taking her by the hand and pulling her in the direction of a large department store. They entered the store and walked briskly towards the women's lingerie. In the middle of the isle, in front of the nightwear stood Catherine's 3 best friends. Each was grinning from ear to ear, and holding items of clothing. Elinor released her daughter with a smile. "Now choose wisely and quickly. Unfortunately we don't have a lot of time... But I suppose that won't matter so much... Does he like red or black?" She was looking at 2 rather small garments hanging side by side. One was black lace, and the other red. "I can't believe we're actually doing this!", said Lacy. "I mean, we've all laughed about it since we were kids, but I mean... actually doing it?", she paused, and the other two smiled knowingly. "Oh this one's hot." said Sara holding up an ample pink bra and panty set, "Too bad she's too small for it". They laughed. Catherine was beyond confused. What the heck were they shopping for lingerie for her for?... And why would her friends want to help her in the first place... and her mom?? What was happening??? She'd had enough, "Alright, what is going on guys? Is this some sort of joke??" They laughed. "Are you having cold feet already?", Julie joked. "You're just fine. Now we've been having this conversation for years!" More laughter. Something finally clicked. "What are you talking about "Cold feet"? I'm not even engaged! I'm 18 years old you guys, do you really think I'd be getting married at age 18??" There was a long silence. The 4 friends looked from one to the other, not knowing what to say. Suddenly Elinor was back with garments to be tried on. "Mom what the heck is going on?" Catherine begged, "Why are we here?" "What do you mean why are we here?" Elinor said, still flustered, "You wanted something nice to take on your honeymoon didn't you?" She was still flipping through hangers at a rapid rate, and it took her a minute to notice the awkward silence, "Didn't you?" She repeated, turning around. Catherine was confused and angered to the point of tears. "What are you…Why?" She couldn't form the words in her mouth. "And just who am I marrying?" she sputtered. The look of annoyance on her mother's face had changed. She held Catherine close to her, and spoke very gently. "Ssh ssh" she cooed, "It's ok dear, just settle down… there….". She smiled and looked her daughter in the eye. "You're marrying Bobby, dear. The love of your life… surely you remember Bobby?" Catherine stopped crying. Bobby? But how could she be marrying Bobby? They'd only been dating a year, and she wasn't even sure it was possible to work out their petty problems, let alone the big ones that come with marriage. How? She loved Bobby, yes. She loved him deeply, and purely, enough to marry him one day. But hadn't she just been discussing with him why they couldn't get married at this point in their relationship?
"I set the date over a month ago, dear." Eleanor's voice was soft and reassuring. "I knew things would be easier this way, remember? Remember how excited you both were? Bobby is so happy, and so are you! Or at least I thought you were darling. What's wrong? Don't tell me you're having second thoughts? ….. Oh no, you are aren't you." Elinor saw the tears forming in her daughter's eyes. Catherine pressed her hands to her face, wiping the tears away in one smooth gesture. "Mom…" She sobbed, "Why?" The word was the only one that formed in her mouth. There were so many others, but they all jumbled together in her mind. "Why?" she thought, "How did this happen so fast?… And without warning?" Her mother's words rung in her head; "I knew things would be easier this way, remember?" What happened to waiting until things could be worked out? Why had her mother arranged the wedding? Didn't she care about her future? Hadn't she been the one to teach her about love and respect and trust and honor in relationships? Where were those here in an "easy" wedding?

"Catherine!" She groaned, "Catherine, wake up!" She opened her eyes and looked into her mother's face. "You were crying in your sleep honey, are you ok?" Catherine was relieved, and gave her mother a big hug. "Yeah mom, I'm ok." She said. "Alright dear, I'm glad. I'm going to sleep now, if you have another nightmare you can come sleep with me." She smiled, "Thanks mom". Catherine watched her mother walk out of the room. "It was a dream." she sighed, "Just a dream." But what did this mean? Something had been bothering her for some time now, but it had never been clear what exactly it was. This dream was a message of some sort, but it was gonna take some time to figure it out. Maybe that was a good thing. Her head was swarming with new doubts and fears now, but her body and spirit were exhausted. "Tomorrow is a new day." she thought to herself as she lay down in bed. Although the words were optimistic, her face remained solemn. She didn't want to admit it, but her usually unwavering positive outlook was slowly wearing down. She wasn't sure how much more it would take to break her, but she was already testing old boundaries.
"Please God, I know you are working in ways that I don't understand, and I do trust you in everything, but please help me find the support and reassurance that I need as you guide me through this difficult time. Please help me find courage, hope, and integrity. Please help the people that I love in the same way, and please continue to guide us all down the right path." Tears were streaming down her face. "Even if the right path is not the path that we would choose….. Oh Lord, please, please don't let me loose faith in your perfect plan for me…. Thank you for carrying me this far. I swear to continue surrendering myself to your will daily, even in times like this when I'm tempted to turn away…. Thank you for caring… In Jesus' name, amen."

Hiya kids,
again, it's been awhile, and i'm sorry. I haven't heard from most of you in a long time. I hope you're alive..? hehe. Tomorrow begins another busy weekend in the "Big H" house (thank you Mark for the nickname =P). I have a dance competition this sunday, (I hope that I won't have to miss church for it!) so if anyone is interested in wittnessing my embarrassment, let me know and i'll give you a time and directions! Also, my final skating test is coming up this month, so I don't know how much free time i'm gonna have this month. Meh, it's ok, i'll be glad in the end when I can finally coach skating and earn a little more money in college. wee ha!
We dissected fetal pigs today in biology... When we got our pig, my partners and I just kinda sat there looking at him (yes it is a him) for a minute before we cut him. The rest was classic; one of my partners disagreed with the idea of dissecting a baby animal, and the other couldn't wait to "dig in". I, however, happened to be the one who knew how to make the initial incisions.... so I did, ick. It could have been worse... the formaldehyde was bearable this time (sometimes the smell is too much for me).... But I still don't wanna be a surgeon..
Well for now I must go, but I love you all!
God Bless!

Love,
Laura

hey kids, sorry it's been so long!
I'm up here in the mountains with my family. It's so beautiful here! It's peaceful and quiet (most of the time), and, after you've gotten used to the altitude, it's the perfect place to take a long jog/walk.... and that doesn't even begin to cover the skiing!

We've been here since sunday afternoon and (besides the one day that I spent in the doctor's office getting an anti-biotic) we haven't skipped a day of skiing. Today Dad, Michael and I drove to Vail for a change of scene (Anna went to ski school and my mom and aunt skied blues and greens at Keystone). I have to say that Vail kicks some serious butt. Not only was the weather awesome (around 35 degrees), but I skied my 1st double black diamond run (I did have to stop half way through and re-gather my nerve, but I made it down, and i'm proud!).

I've learned that the hardest falls I take skiing, are usually on the flat access roads.... yeah it's sad I know, but I think it's because you're going straight, and it's easy to not pay attention to what your feet are doing.... or maybe it was just all the slush today... I dunno... but I did a major face plant... the most embarrasing part was when this little boy who couldn't have been older then 10 brought me my left ski and very politely asked me if i was alright... Well I was still rubbing snow out of my eyes so I thanked him quickly and turned to glare at my dad and cousin who stood about 20 feet away doubled over laughing at me... ah well... I can laugh now... I did survive the double black run...

My family is very entertaining when it comes to NCAA basketball... My aunt went to NC state, and my dad used to work at Duke, so when they watch games together there is always tension in the room... I myself usually take a neutral stance (i've found that it's dangerous to take sides), but right now NC is playing the air force academy..... so I decided to side with the white boys just to see what would happen... *evil grin... They were doing quite well in the 1st half, but now they're letting me down.... well maybe there's still time.... The second half hasn't been so entertaining, so I might just give up and go... do.... something.... (dang it there's nothing to do in Keystone CO at 11:00pm if you don't have a car and you're not 21!!!)
..... I think i'm gonna go take a long hot bath... with candles.... and...uh ...bubbles... and maybe some aloe vera.... yeah that's what i'll do.... *sigh... being alone is sucky.

Well bye for now! Hope what's left of your spring break is awesome!

First of all I have to compliment Joel on his blog... You are the only guy I know who is actually willing to pour his heart out on a web page. I love you man, and if I were a guy wishing he was a girl, i'd definately go out with you.... or something like that (meh he's right we are all insane). lol

So spring break is coming up... FINALLY... i've had senioritus since like freshman year... I'm going skiing!! I'm psyched!! I will not break my legs!! *crosses fingers* hehehe

Well.... i'm gonna go write some music (or so I hope) now... i'll probably get on and lament later tonight or tomorrow.... I miss you all... talk to you soon!!