She remembered the night very clearly.... It was cool and clear out, but the chill had had no affect on her. The long drive home was the perfect excuse to think, dream, remember... just breathe... Music filled the car. Each note delicately touching something deep inside her. As the notes moved up and down the scale, she closed her eyes and let the song carry her. It was absolutely flawless. The power and raw emotion in each note was carefully and deliberately chosen, and this always brought her to tears. This was their song: simple, deliberate, powerful, awesome, and untouchable. She had known the first time he'd played it for her that he was the song... It embodied and romantisized the way he loved her. Perhaps the reason it always made her cry was because of the sheer truth in it... Those loyal words sung with such intensity and raw power by the singer were haunting and humbling to her... The melody was compacted into simple, sincere, beautiful measures that repeated over and over steadily.. They were always there, always the same, never decreasing in their sincerity and intensity... just like him. This was more than a song, it was a covenant. It bound and held her to him in a way that would only be broken or made permanent by God...
The bond had been broken long ago. Still here she was, listening to that same song and knowing that it would always be true... All the memories, the joy, the pain, the innocense of her younger years, all the love that she had recieved and given, the friendship, devastation, wisdom, beauty, time, and everything that had been her everything was immortalized in that song... He was that much of her life.. that much that had been cut out... Her scars had had time to heal, and her heart had had time to mourn... The song played on and on... but she let it play even though it still made her cry...
I'm not completely sure what my reasons are for writing this. Maybe it helps explain the way my past has shaped me, perhaps it is because I long to have that part of myself back, but most likely it is simply a beautiful part of my past that will always stay with me. I write it for myself, and for Ben, because it is the truth, and the truth needs to be told. Sometimes the things that are beautiful and true in the world don't last... Sometimes they do. Sometimes they turn into something even more beautiful... Whatever the case is, they are still beautiful things to be cherished even if they do bring equal amounts of joy and pain. There is no love like your first love... I don't mean that the love you have for other people isn't as strong or any less meaningful. I mean that when you first truly fall in love you lose a part of yourself. It is a beautiful thing that you only share with that person. God led me to my first love, and always blessed our relationship even when it had to change. So Ben, i'm letting you know that this song is and will always be about you. You're my best friend, and an answer to my prayer.
Nothing Else Matters
(Metallica)
So close no matter how far
Couldn’t be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters
Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don’t just say
And nothing else matters
Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know
So close no matter how far
Couldn’t be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know
Never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we live it our way
All these words I don’t just say
And nothing else matters
Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us something new
Open mind for a different view
And nothing else matters
Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
And I know
So close no matter how far
Couldn’t be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
No nothing else matters
April 18, 2005
Tales From the Pussywillow Tribe...
I have succeeded in accomplishing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING today! Well ok so that's not entirely true, but it's darn close.. Because of this weekend and my rather addictive habit of staying up all hours of the night when I don't have early class I am rather tired today... Have you noticed that as you've gotten older your body is able to run on less sleep? I think it's great and depressing at the same time... I miss sleep.
Hey! hey! wanna see something funny?? Well ya can't 'cause you're not here... HA! I have my hair in pig-tails and they're really curly.. I look like baby spice... yeah and none of you get to see it. *evil laughter*... I have waaay too much free time. Maybe you guys shouldn't hang out with me anymore.. *shuffles feet* ;-)
Sooooo... This weekend was fun. A bunch of us went to Jon's house and climbed his dune and ran around on his beach.... I have pictures, but I've uploaded my max for this month. So those will be my next installment in the photo blog. In any case... It was good good fun. We formed an indian beach tribe thats purpose focused mostly on pussywillows, exploring the beach, competition, and making sexual jokes... sound like a sorority ya wanna join? ;-) We also watched Finding Neverland, ate Chinese food, and had smores over a camp fire. Huge thanks to Jon and his familia for food, company, & awesome good times! =D
In other news.... after this weekend my life will be completely consumed by papers, exams, and reading... So I am enjoying this last week of liberty before priority takes over...
I love ya kids! God Bless y'all!
Just keep in mind that there IS life after homework!
Hey! hey! wanna see something funny?? Well ya can't 'cause you're not here... HA! I have my hair in pig-tails and they're really curly.. I look like baby spice... yeah and none of you get to see it. *evil laughter*... I have waaay too much free time. Maybe you guys shouldn't hang out with me anymore.. *shuffles feet* ;-)
Sooooo... This weekend was fun. A bunch of us went to Jon's house and climbed his dune and ran around on his beach.... I have pictures, but I've uploaded my max for this month. So those will be my next installment in the photo blog. In any case... It was good good fun. We formed an indian beach tribe thats purpose focused mostly on pussywillows, exploring the beach, competition, and making sexual jokes... sound like a sorority ya wanna join? ;-) We also watched Finding Neverland, ate Chinese food, and had smores over a camp fire. Huge thanks to Jon and his familia for food, company, & awesome good times! =D
In other news.... after this weekend my life will be completely consumed by papers, exams, and reading... So I am enjoying this last week of liberty before priority takes over...
I love ya kids! God Bless y'all!
Just keep in mind that there IS life after homework!
April 14, 2005
I have a HENNA TATTOO!! haha. I know, I know. I'm easily amused, but i've never had one, and I am quite pleased with mine. Rachel heard that they were giving out free ones in RVD so a bunch of us went over to check it out. I should have been working on a paper, but it was a welcomed break from the confines of my desk.... oh, and don't worry, it's in a perfectly obvious and appropriate place. ;-)
Sorry i've been so busy lately guys... I know i've been ignoring.. well alot of you. =( This has been a busy week and unfortunately the next few are gonna be pretty similar. I love you all, and if I get too distracted please let me know and, if I can, i'll stop whatever i'm doing that is distracting me. School is important, but you've gotta learn to balance work and friendships.
Today I bought banquet tickets! I hope it's a super fabulous time. No wait, scratch that... All the kids going are super cool, so I KNOW it'll be a super fabulous time! Our floor is (hopefully) performing beat it at the dance... that'll only be possible if Kyla, Rachel & I get our acts together and finnish the choreograhy..*crosses fingers* There is so much stuff to do right now, I just hope it all works out smoothly. =D
To those of you who keep me in your prayers: could you please pray for me that I will keep my focus on my work and managing my time for the remainder of the semester? I've been feeling convicted about this lately, but it's something I still struggle to balance... Not only does it distract me from the reasons i'm at this school... it also keeps me from spending time with God... I just need to buckle down for a few weeks, pull out great grades, and keep my focus on God. I'm trying to also stay involved with dorm life.... I also miss you all who are out of state.. You're in my thoughts and prayers. The cycle never ends! haha
God Bless!
Sorry i've been so busy lately guys... I know i've been ignoring.. well alot of you. =( This has been a busy week and unfortunately the next few are gonna be pretty similar. I love you all, and if I get too distracted please let me know and, if I can, i'll stop whatever i'm doing that is distracting me. School is important, but you've gotta learn to balance work and friendships.
Today I bought banquet tickets! I hope it's a super fabulous time. No wait, scratch that... All the kids going are super cool, so I KNOW it'll be a super fabulous time! Our floor is (hopefully) performing beat it at the dance... that'll only be possible if Kyla, Rachel & I get our acts together and finnish the choreograhy..*crosses fingers* There is so much stuff to do right now, I just hope it all works out smoothly. =D
To those of you who keep me in your prayers: could you please pray for me that I will keep my focus on my work and managing my time for the remainder of the semester? I've been feeling convicted about this lately, but it's something I still struggle to balance... Not only does it distract me from the reasons i'm at this school... it also keeps me from spending time with God... I just need to buckle down for a few weeks, pull out great grades, and keep my focus on God. I'm trying to also stay involved with dorm life.... I also miss you all who are out of state.. You're in my thoughts and prayers. The cycle never ends! haha
God Bless!
April 12, 2005
Found this on my sister's xanga site... Thought it was cute and middle-schoolish.. You can fill it out in the comments if you feel like it. =D
1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Have you ever had a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Give me a nickname and explain it.
7. Describe me in 1 word.
8. What was your first impression?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When was the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
15. Will you put this in your blog, so i can tell you how i feel about you?
Conversation between Kyla, Leah and I:
Me & Kyla: "Leah what are we gonna do when you're not our suite-mate next year?"
Leah: "Cease to exist!"
Us: "..."
What's up kids? I should be studying for my big history test tomorrow... but i'm not. I have a cheat-sheet with every term I will need on it... muah hahahaha... in any case. yup... well... I don't have anything to say so i'm gonna go.
1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. Have you ever had a crush on me?
5. Would you kiss me?
6. Give me a nickname and explain it.
7. Describe me in 1 word.
8. What was your first impression?
9. Do you still think that way about me now?
10. What reminds you of me?
11. If you could give me anything what would it be?
12. How well do you know me?
13. When was the last time you saw me?
14. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
15. Will you put this in your blog, so i can tell you how i feel about you?
Conversation between Kyla, Leah and I:
Me & Kyla: "Leah what are we gonna do when you're not our suite-mate next year?"
Leah: "Cease to exist!"
Us: "..."
What's up kids? I should be studying for my big history test tomorrow... but i'm not. I have a cheat-sheet with every term I will need on it... muah hahahaha... in any case. yup... well... I don't have anything to say so i'm gonna go.
April 03, 2005
Lacrosse!
I just ate 4 croissants... talk about too much fatty food... but boy were they good! mmmmmmm
So guess what I did yesterday? That's right, you guessed it! I DID attend my first ever lacrosse game... It was a lot of fun, and I learned a lot about the game... Games like that are so much fun when you're with friends! =D I wish I had pictures 'cause we were acting really crazy. Half-way through the game we started experimenting with french animal noises as cheers. good times... We also marvled at the fact that in lacrosse the players can wack the crap out of each other with their sticks.. and it's legal! haha.
I'm listening to Weathered by Creed. This is one of those cds that is really good musically but you need to put it away for awhile in order to fully appreciate it again.... and Jon just walked into my room, dumped a pile of candy on my desk and left... alrighty then.. lol. slightly strange.. and oddly normal simultaneously...
Well I need to do some homework... I love you kids! God Bless and i'll talk to ya later!
So guess what I did yesterday? That's right, you guessed it! I DID attend my first ever lacrosse game... It was a lot of fun, and I learned a lot about the game... Games like that are so much fun when you're with friends! =D I wish I had pictures 'cause we were acting really crazy. Half-way through the game we started experimenting with french animal noises as cheers. good times... We also marvled at the fact that in lacrosse the players can wack the crap out of each other with their sticks.. and it's legal! haha.
I'm listening to Weathered by Creed. This is one of those cds that is really good musically but you need to put it away for awhile in order to fully appreciate it again.... and Jon just walked into my room, dumped a pile of candy on my desk and left... alrighty then.. lol. slightly strange.. and oddly normal simultaneously...
Well I need to do some homework... I love you kids! God Bless and i'll talk to ya later!
April 01, 2005
March 31, 2005
To all the Nice Guys of the World.... Have a little hope!
And then the screen was pink... I don't want to hear any crap about how my blog is now pink *crosses arms and attempts to look serious*. eeeeee! I don't like pink very much but with a name like "disgruntled pink fuzzies" I had no choice.... Wittwer LOOK!! *jumps up and down like excited puppy* it's our band name!!! weeee!! the Disgruntled Pink Fuzzies WILL go public before long!! hehehehe.... sorry I haven't posted in awhile. Not too much going on here. I went home over Spring break. Had fun there with many of y'all... I'm still missing some of you!! *tear* For Easter I went to Isle of the Palms con mi familia. That was rocktastic.. woot!
So... random rant:
This is an interesting world we live in. I've had 3 conversations with 3 different guys today, all of whom were in love with a girl. The similarity? All 3 told me something along these lines "I love her so much. She has so much potential if she'd JUST CHANGE but she just doesn't see it yet. I still love her and I think she will..." Ok so it's not everyday that I hear the same story from 3 different guys.. Especially when they're all great, strong, loving guys... What's up with this? I just don't understand it...... These are all good Christian guys, and it sounds like the girls they are in love with aren't so strong & spiritual... Now don't get me wrong, I'm no prophet and I don't know what God has in store for people's lives. I just don't understand why these really good guys put up with someone who isn't on the same page? There are people out there who don't need a significant other to be happy or to know God's will for their lives... People who do only run into trouble... I think a lot of you get this.. but then why is it still happening?? I totally understand that you can't help who you fall in love with.. OoooHooo beleive me I know. lol... But at the same time... if you don't make each other happy when you're dating.. why on earth do you think that when you get married things about that person are going to change?? No no no no no... lol. Marriage is enough work without having extra baggage attached! Change happens without you... meaning that if someone is going to change they're not going to do it FOR you... People are happy just the way they are. You trying to change them = them not being happy... Now if they decide on their own they want to change then great... But stop waiting for it to happen... pleeeeeeaase.... So my message to you nice guys is... Have some hope for pete's sake! lol. Don't compromise what you need and deserve in a girl because you're in love... Compromise is good within a relationship, but changing big things in a person isn't usually gonna work... There are girls out there like you, I promise... Girls this goes for you too obviously... *sigh* I just needed to say that. in any case. I love you all dearly and I think about you all the time.
I can't get simon & garfunkle out of my head... This could make me crazy pretty quick! lol.
I am a rock.. I am an iiiiiiisland..
....
aaaah!! make them stop!
Well I love you all!
God Bless and have a great day!
So... random rant:
This is an interesting world we live in. I've had 3 conversations with 3 different guys today, all of whom were in love with a girl. The similarity? All 3 told me something along these lines "I love her so much. She has so much potential if she'd JUST CHANGE but she just doesn't see it yet. I still love her and I think she will..." Ok so it's not everyday that I hear the same story from 3 different guys.. Especially when they're all great, strong, loving guys... What's up with this? I just don't understand it...... These are all good Christian guys, and it sounds like the girls they are in love with aren't so strong & spiritual... Now don't get me wrong, I'm no prophet and I don't know what God has in store for people's lives. I just don't understand why these really good guys put up with someone who isn't on the same page? There are people out there who don't need a significant other to be happy or to know God's will for their lives... People who do only run into trouble... I think a lot of you get this.. but then why is it still happening?? I totally understand that you can't help who you fall in love with.. OoooHooo beleive me I know. lol... But at the same time... if you don't make each other happy when you're dating.. why on earth do you think that when you get married things about that person are going to change?? No no no no no... lol. Marriage is enough work without having extra baggage attached! Change happens without you... meaning that if someone is going to change they're not going to do it FOR you... People are happy just the way they are. You trying to change them = them not being happy... Now if they decide on their own they want to change then great... But stop waiting for it to happen... pleeeeeeaase.... So my message to you nice guys is... Have some hope for pete's sake! lol. Don't compromise what you need and deserve in a girl because you're in love... Compromise is good within a relationship, but changing big things in a person isn't usually gonna work... There are girls out there like you, I promise... Girls this goes for you too obviously... *sigh* I just needed to say that. in any case. I love you all dearly and I think about you all the time.
I can't get simon & garfunkle out of my head... This could make me crazy pretty quick! lol.
I am a rock.. I am an iiiiiiisland..
....
aaaah!! make them stop!
Well I love you all!
God Bless and have a great day!
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