Bye Bye Love...

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...... *sigh

Not so sure if that was a frustrated "oh" or an exhausted one.... or more likely i'm just sad. No Matter... Sorry to turn this into a whiny blog, but i'm completely drained/exhausted/dead/~insert descriptive adjective that will describe the way I feel~... Yes, even the optimistic one occasionally explores the dark side.

Don't really know what to say. TJ and I are over, and i'm devastated... even though I was the one to initiate the break-up. This will be the second time i've had to go through something like this. The first was still the worst, but I suppose that's to be expected. I used to believe, and quite humbly I might add, that I was pretty good at the girlfriend thing. I have been humbled. *sigh* I guess it just boils down to the fact that sometimes, even when you put everything you possibly can into something, it just doesn't work. This is especially hard for me to deal with. I realize that i'm just impatient and that my timing is not God's, so i'll wait here for Him to decide what the heck i'm supposed to do. But sometimes I just don't think I can do this again. Actually I thought that after I broke off my 2 year relationship with Ben, and now i'm just thinking it again. Will I actually not date? nah... I really want to get married someday. It's just gonna take ____ amount of time to find my husband.

Reality checks in again.

I really have to thank Kyla, Angela, Christy, Katie, Rachael, and my mommie for supporting me and supplying plenty of love, tissues and hugs. I love you guys. Also Ben for letting me call him and vent for about an hour... AND listening to me sing the "I hate men" song... THAT takes true tolerance... I don't know how much you actually talked, but I thank you for your patience. I love all of my friends. I am truly blessed to be surrounded by supportive loving people. TJ: I still care about you so much... I'm sorry things had to turn out this way... i'm praying for us both and I wish you well in the future.

And now.. to eat the ENTIRE box of belgian chocolates and listen to angry music... goodnight all.

...and maybe a tiny bit of emo *looks around* what?

"Polaris"
Jimmy Eat World

I'll say it straight and plain
I know I've made mistakes
I've always been afraid
I've always been afraid

A thousand nights or more
I travel east and north
Please answer the door

Can you tell me
You say that love goes anywhere
In your darkest time, it's just enough to know it's there
When you go, I'll let you be
But you're killing everything in me

Get down on your knees
Whisper what I need
Something pretty
Something pretty

I feel that when I'm old
I'll look at you and know
The world was beautiful

Then you tell me...
You say that love goes anywhere
In your darkest time, it's just enough to know it's there
When you go, I'll let you be
But you're killing everything in me

I'm done, there's nothing left to show
I try but can't let it go
Are you happy where you're standing still?
Do you really want the sugar pill?
I'll wake up tomorrow and I'll start
Tonight it feels so hard
As the train approaches Gare Du Nord
As I'm sure your kiss remains employed
Am I only dreaming?

You say that love goes anywhere
In your darkest time, it's just enough to know it's there
When you go, I'll let you be
But you're killing everything in me

When you go, I'll let you be
But you're killing everything in me


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