"...What shall I say? 'Father, save me from this hour? But for this purpose I came to this hour. 'Father, glorify Your name'" (John 12:27-28)

"As a saint of God , my attitude toward sorrow and difficulty should not be to ask that they be prevented, but to ask that God protect me so that I may remain what he created me to be, in spite of all my fires of sorrow...
We say that there ought to be no sorrow, but there is sorrow, and we have to accept and recieve ourselves in it's fires. If we try to evade sorrow, refusing to deal with it, we are foolish. Sorrow is one of the biggest facts in life, and there is no use in saying it should not be...
Sorrow removes a great deal of a person's shallowness, but it does not always make that person better. Suffering either gives me to myself or it destroys me. You cannot find or recieve yourself through success because you lose your head over pride. And you cannot recieve yourself through the monotony of your daily life, because you give in to complaining. The only way to find yourself is in the fires of sorrow... The fact is that it is true in the scriptures and in human experience. You can always recognize who has been through the fires of sorrow, and you know you can go to him in your moment of trouble and find that he has plenty of time for you. But if a person has not been through the fires of sorrow, he is apt to be contemptuous, having no respect or time for you, only turning you away. If you will recieve yourself in the fires of sorrow, God will make you noursihment for other people."
(taken from "My Utmost for His Highest" by Oswald Chambers, Day 25)

Hey guys,

For those of you who don't know, i'm currently in Asheville North Carolina. We had to leave asap because my grandpa was dying. It was an interesting trip down here... Our plane was delayed for 3 hours, so we got into Greenville SC around 12:45, rented a car, and drove the 40min drive to the nursing home.

I'm glad that I got to see him one more time... but at the same time I almost wish that my last memories of him could have been when he was healthy and happy. I really wasn't prepared to go into that room. Let's just say that I never want to see suffering like that again. I told him I loved him, and that was about all I could manage. They say that when you're in a coma the last sense to go is your hearing, so that makes me feel better.

We got to my aunt's house (where i'm currently staying) around 3:30am (2:30 my time), slept till noon the next day, and when we got up I drove my cousin and sister back to the nursing home. My mom told us that grandpa had died around noon that morning (the 7th). My mom and Aunt and Grandma had noticed that his gasps for breath were dimminishing to about twice a minute, and by pure "coincidence" a pastor who had been with another patient walked by the door. The 4 of them and some of the staff said a prayer over him, and as soon as they were finnished he was gone.

I'd like to sincerely thank all of you who have been/still are praying for my family and I. I think that if anything gives me hope it's that. I have peace today. I believe that God works miracles every day whether we know it or not.. And I definately see the circumstances of Grandpa's death to be a sign of a peaceful and (hopefully) heavenly passing. The funeral is on friday (and I have to sing at it *looks terrified*) I'm coming home sunday afternoon.

I miss you all! And please know that I love you. IM me or E-mail me, i'll be here awhile.... God Bless!

Random Thought...

It seems to me that poets must be some of the most easily distracted people on the planet. They are the only people who can sit in their kitchen typing a sonnet or poem about a lost love or a dear friend, look out their window and immediately begin writing a different poem about the tiny snowflakes that have slowly begun to fall. Does a normal person sit listening to a friend (or acquaintance) talk, and suddenly become more fascinated with the marbled colors in their eyes then what they are actually saying? As a rule you would never drive with a poet (that is if you value your life) when the sun is setting, a heavy snow is falling, or there is anything more interesting then the road outside of the car. *Looks around room… wow! I’ve never noticed that crack before… it kinda looks like a rabbit…oh! I’m sorry, I got distracted…

Hey guys,

I'm currently taking time out of my working hours (hehehehe) to write to you people... Gee what am I thinking... There are about 35 mice directly to the left of my arm...and no i'm not naming them... So I haven't seen a lot of you for a pretty long time. =( I MISS YOU GUYS! I'm now making money that i'm unable to spend because the only time I spend money is when someone calls me up and is like "Hey lets go do something (spend money)!". Wittwer is in California... =(. I wanna go to California... or Florida. hehehe.
I have a skating test tomorrow for anyone who is looking for a laugh... No cameras please... hmmm.. what else?.... Did I mention that i've moved into an apartment?... I wonder if that'll get anyone to call me. lol. This no-talking thing is tough... I wanna go home. It's too quiet here, and everyone is old... *looks around* yeah... well... I'm going now... Talk to you people later!

Echo

There's something about the look in your eyes
Something I noticed when the light was just right
It reminded me twice that I was alive
And it reminded me that you're so worth the fight
My biggest fear will be the rescue of me
Strange how it turns out that way
Could you show me dear...something I've not seen?
Something infinitely interesting
There's something about the way you move
I see your mouth in slow motion when you sing
More subtle than something, someone contrives
Your movements echo that I have seen the real thing
Your biggest fear will be the rescue of you
Strange how it turns out that way
Could you show me dear...something I've not seen?
Something infinitely interesting

~Incubus

This is all i'm thinking about today...

Right Here Waiting
(by Richard Marx)


Oceans apart day after day
And I slowly go insane
I hear your voice on the line
But it doesn't stop the pain

If I see you next to never
How can we say forever

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I took for granted, all the times
That I thought would last somehow
I hear the laughter, I taste the tears
But I can't get near you now

Oh, can't you see it baby
You've got me goin' crazy

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you

I wonder how we can survive
This romance
But in the end if I'm with you
I'll take the chance

Wherever you go
Whatever you do
I will be right here waiting for you
Whatever it takes
Or how my heart breaks
I will be right here waiting for you
Waiting for you

This was a dream I had the other night...

Writing in the Sand

The air was warm, and the breeze was soft. It gently lifted wisps of hair from her face. Cool waves lapped gently at her ankles, and the sound and smell of ocean engulfed her. She opened her eyes. Ocean and sky panned out in front of her, melting together to form a vast canvas painted in every shade of blue, orange, red, and pink. Silently she stared, marveling at it's majesty and grandeur. It was all so familiar.
She turned at the sound of excited voices behind her. Two figures were running along the beach; a boy and a girl. The boy was knee deep in the water beckoning to the girl to come join him. She was backing away and giggling. "No no no!" They were a cute couple, very obviously in love. He joined her now, gently putting his arm around her shoulders. They stood looking into the sunset, lost in it's beauty, and in each other. It was a beautiful picture, so perfect and untouched; a moment frozen in time.
She stood and stared, feeling nothing but the water numbing her feet. It was getting dark. The couple walked along the beach hand in hand, oblivious to her presence. They headed back towards home and a comfortable evening in doors. Her feet sank into the cold sand as she walked, a single set of footprints. She retraced their footprints in the sand, studying them intently. They weaved back and forth, and in between one another. Sometimes they separated or disappeared into the serf, but they always rejoined and continued on along the beach.
Tears were falling from her eyes now, hot and heavy. Stubbornly she wiped them away and trudged on. Suddenly, the footprints stopped. A sandy fortress lay before her, intricate, but crumbling. Not far away, two names were carved in the sand, encircled by a heart. She covered her face with her hands, but she couldn't stop it. On her knees she sobbed uncontrollably. That was her name, HER name written there in the sand. She shivered, suddenly feeling hopelessly alone and broken. A big wave rolled past her, erasing the names. They had known the writing wouldn't survive the night. It was only writing in the sand. The moon shone brightly in the clear night sky, illuminating the young girl's face. Her usually bright eyes were dim and filled with pain. She lay staring at the smooth sand where her name was once delicately written. She was on her own now. She curled into a ball and closed her eyes. She was alone.

Last internet conversation:

"Me: I have a gremlin too!
only it's an actual creature....

Joel: your cat?

Me: yep
it lurks
in the dark places

*looks around

and sometimes
when no one is looking....
it takes
MY SQUISHY
it wants to destroy him
full of jealousy
but I keep him safe

Joel: are you alright there laura?

Me: oh hi... sorry

Joel: hehe

Me: i feel dramatic..
and slightly.... 5 ish
....
odd combination

I want crayons.......
and sex...
lol
done talking now

Joel: crayons and sex? Sounds like fun to me"

hmmmmm... those glow-in-the-dark crayons might be pretty fun to play with.... anyways... since my last entry was "depressing", here's something happier that I wrote the other day (this one's a song):

Sunshine

Gotta wake up
Gotta wake up the sunshine
it's time that we filled this
cup called life with joy

Pick yourself up
Wipe all those tears away
Let me show you it's all
ok, i'm here for you.

Well, I love y'all and I hope that your friday is awesome! My parents are out of town... hehehe... so.... stop on by whenever this weekend!

Peace and God Bless!