An Observation...

Ya know, facebook is an evil yet ingenius creation. The more I think about it, the more I like it.



Because I'm curious (or maybe just plain creepy), I occasionally go to blogs/xangas/insert online journal name of old friends that I don't keep in touch with anymore. Creepy, yeah I know. But these people, who I am now friends with through "facebook" all post their sites online for everyone to see. Usually the people I read are the people that I always wanted to know better but, for whatever reason, never did. My guess is that the rest of the world has a life, and so I may be alone in my curiosity. But perhaps i'm wrong...

It makes me a little sad to think about all the friendships that I don't keep up any more. Sometimes I read a blog and find out that the person I used to know has completely changed. More than a few times i've learned that someone has become an alcoholic or a burnout, or has 1.5 kids, or has given up on school, etc, etc... Its really sad. Even though I don't know them anymore I feel kinda like i've lost them all over again. Then again, I wonder who of my highschool friends could have envisioned me attending a Christian college, majoring in religion, and considering seminary... Yeah... Life just changes people.

I guess the truth for me goes something like this: I regret only half knowing people, yet its impossible to have meaningful friendships with so many people.

The reason I'm dwelling on this is because I stumbled across the xanga of a friend from way back-in-the-day (Lord, I must be aging...), and saw that they were complaining about not having many close friends. I felt bad for them, but theres nothing I can easily say to them without sounding like a nut (we were never close).

When I first came to college I met this guy. We'll call him "Ed". Ed and I had a class together. He was a really interesting guy; smart, funny, friendly, you know, just a really nice guy. But I was kinda intimidated by him (probably 'cause he always had clever things to say). By "intimidated", I mean that I was really quiet around him and when I would talk I could never really say anything interesting. Still, being a nice guy, he kept talking to me, but eventaully he kinda stopped. Thus it became akward, and we eventually stopped acknowledging each other at all. To this day i'm not sure if we stopped talking because he gave up, or because I put off too much of an "uninterested" vibe. Maybe one day we'll figure it out. This is another example of what i'm talking about. I hate "almost" friendships, they just bug me. Yet, they are unavoidable...